Please don’t take away my grief…
I know that you mean no harm when you say things like “You’ll feel better soon.” “You’re strong.“ “Look for the good things to remember.” There’s an entire long list of things that people say to me, wanting me to feel better… but I don’t feel better. I feel lost, alone and am missing my loved one.
When you try to “fix” my grief, I only leave it to take care of you, to make you feel better. Honestly, that takes a lot of energy and leaves me feeling exhausted and totally alone.
Please sit with me. Please don’t ask me to leave the grief that has taken hold of my heart, my body and my soul. Honor and respect my grief and the process of my healing. In that way, you honor and respect me. In that way, you show me your love and caring.
I’m learning that there is a time to grieve… and a time to leave one’s grief. Right now, I’m deep in my grief. Tomorrow, I may be able to leave for a short while, sometimes just moments… and I’m told that the moments will get longer and the moments of deep grief will get shorter. That gives me hope that I can hold onto.
I know that you want me to feel better.
I know that you mean no harm.
I know that you want to be my cheerleader.
Honestly, right now, that just doesn’t work.
I need to feel and acknowledge my grief in order to heal. When I grieve, I feel my loved one.
I will need inspiration and a cheerleader another day in the future.
For now, I need to feel the loss and all of my emotions.
I won’t be myself all of the time but there is nothing that you can do to fix this life-changing event. You can help by being compassionate, being present, giving me permission to feel… and trusting that the feelings will eventually change. Be my cheerleader and inspiration then… not now. Now, just be my loving friend who can sit with me in silence, remember and tell me stories of my loved one, be there when I need a hug and don’t shy from my tears.
Please let me have my grief. The other side of that grief is an enormous amount of love. Without that love, I would not be grieving.