As every member of the HOPE community who has spent time in a group can attest, personal interaction between group members is as deep as it is emotional. In a recent group meeting I witnessed an extraordinary example of the way in which members of our community inspire one another on their unique journeys through grief.
This particular evening group members released their frustrations, fears and anxieties about living and grieving during the pandemic. This was not only healthy but predictable — coping with these strange times is a burden shared by our society at large and conversations among our wider social circles almost invariably turn to dealing with the virus.
But then the discussion took a lovely and surprising twist. Everyone began sharing what is helping them to live and thrive no matter the circumstances. Here is a distillation of the wisdom our members shared.
- Accept what I can’t control.
- Do what I can do. Be aware of and thankful for the things that are in my control.
- Remember that feelings are temporary. They will pass.
- Live life the best that I can given the circumstances.
- Do things that I love… at home, yes, even alone!
- Reach out to others instead of waiting for them to reach out to me.
- Feel and remember that I am blessed. Count my blessings, not my woes.
- Connections — nurture the old connections and seek out new ones, even on Zoom. Join a class on Zoom, a book club or an interest group. Meet others and look forward to meeting in person one day.
- Stop watching the news (“it feels like drinking poison”). I need to remember that negativity makes me feel anxious and sick. Meditation or a good book calms me and takes me to a better place inside.
- Take care with my self-talk. What I choose to believe and say to myself affects how I feel and behave.
The magic of the moment did not end there. As the group closed, each person shared a task that they committed to work on this week:
- Track the duration, intensity and frequency of my grieving. Each aspect will slowly get better (so I’ve been told) — periods of overwhelming grief will not last as long, be as consistently intense or occur as often. Seeing progress in any area will give me hope.
- I’ll work on my self-talk and be nicer to myself.
- I’m going to reach out more and create connections. I’m going to take a class online.
- I’m going to work on being more authentic in a new friendship. And I’m going to work on boundaries — better boundaries mean a better friendship!
- If I witness a conflict within my extended family I’m going to stay out of it! I cannot control or fix others!
It’s so amazing being a witness to others who are willing to dig their heels in and do personal work, even when grieving and in the midst of a pandemic. What a blessing!
You in the HOPE community truly are the courageous and amazing ones! We’re in the same “boat” and we will all get through!
“We’re not primarily on this Earth to see through one another. We’re here to see one another through.”