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The Transformative Power of Collateral Beauty

Lynne Goldklang is a psychotherapist, writer and a grateful member of a HOPE bereavement group.

“I don’t think of all the misery but of all the beauty that remains.”  — Anne Frank

It was one of those restless nights a few months after my husband’s death as I flipped on the TV and stared at the movie that was playing. A mother is sitting in a hospital waiting area crying as her young daughter’s life is ebbing. A strange older woman engages her in conversation and asks who is dying. The old woman listens carefully and then advises the grieving mother to be aware of “collateral beauty” — words that are the title and essence of the movie.

The meaning of collateral beauty as portrayed in the film is that love and kindness are all around if the grieving person is open to notice and receive. It is a term that is mystical yet down to earth, easily accessible.

Here Comes 2024! Happy New Year… Or Is It?

The holidays can be painful reminders of a life that “was,” but New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with parades, football games and gatherings are triggers that make you realize how different your life really is now.

Our hopes center around the idea that this is a “new year.” In the “celebrating” of the New Year, our intentions are courageous. We hope that we will heal and feel that our lives are settling into a “new norm.” Our reality is often so different.

Dancing With Widow – The Year of Firsts

Following the death of her husband of 26 years in May of 2017, Marianne Simon began Poetic Plantings Publishing as a “the first step in the journey of all that I am still becoming.” They call it that – “the year of firsts.” The implication is that it will be a painful year of all the landmarks you will survive without your…

Can We Talk?

Conversations After The Death Of A Parent Or Spouse

by Sue Rowen, LMFT

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ― Fred Rogers

Your parent has died. Have you stopped speaking about this huge loss and your pain to your remaining parent?

The Lonely Walk and the Grief Walker

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”
― Albert Camus

The lonely walk, the storm that shakes your foundation as you toss in the wild wind, the dark tunnel that seems endless. You are filled with the deepest grief beyond your imagination when your beloved has died. 

Myths Related To Grieving A Parent

It can be 20 days or 20 years since your parent(s) has died and still there is a painful nostalgia that accompanies thoughts and reflections on our lives when our parent(s) was alive. Whether you perceived your parent as a loving parent or an unloving parent, this remains true. In one way or another we register the uniqueness of our relationship with…

We Were Estranged. Then She Died!

Are you grieving a parent you considered unloving, not present or abusive? You may wonder, “Why do I feel so grief-stricken?” You may not have felt loved nor feel like you loved your parent. You may not have experienced “unconditional love” and wonder, “ Why am I so sad? Why am I so anxious and confused? Do I really care?” Perhaps, more…

Are You Really Getting Any Better?

In the months after a person’s spouse has died, some people feel like nothing is changing, like they’re really not healing. That feeling can be deceptive, because for most people their emotional, mental, spiritual and physical states are changing. To illustrate the changes, HOPE group members recently wrote down the word or two that best described their current state of mind. The results…

A New Year, A New Day and… A New You

I already hear the voices of so many who push back against that thought.   

A new me?

I don’t want to be a new me. I want my old life back. I want my loved one back. 

I hate these changes that have and are happening.

I just want to stand still and make it all go away. Oh, please let this be a bad dream!

Sadly, it isn’t a dream and it’s so difficult to process and understand right now. It’s natural to want to hold on to what was familiar. It was your world. Now your world has changed and you are left feeling lost, confused, alone and uncertain about who you are anymore. This enormous change has affected everything in your life.