“Healing Grief… Moment by Moment” is a podcast created and produced by HOPE Connection. In each short episode Dr. Jo Christner or another HOPE Connection therapist offers a meditative exploration of a different aspect of grief and the healing process. As you listen, we wish you love, light and comfort. This episode: “Bereavement, Grief and Mourning” (August 2024) — Jo Christner, Psy.D.
This is a moment of healing.
We aren’t taught very much about grief and how to grieve… and are often given messages to not grieve and to move on, be strong, have a positive face and go on with life. That sure is confusing especially given that our loved one just died… and all we feel is pain. Often, we just hide our feelings, put on a good face and act like we’re okay when in the presence of others… or we just hide and grieve in private. Our grief is not often comfortable for others… and it sure isn’t comfortable for us.
According to the Handbook of Bereavement Research and Practice, there are three terms that describe so much: Bereavement, Grief and Mourning.
What is Bereavement? Bereavement is the process, the journey so to speak, that we are all thrown into when our loved one dies. It’s the period of time in which grief is felt and mourning occurs. Within that bereavement journey is grief and mourning.
What is grief? Grief is what happens in your body and in your chemistry. It’s a natural process that describes your unique way of emotionally coping through this painful process. You can try to think it away or try to push it away but it’s in the chemistry that occurs in your bodies. “Grief fog” is an example of how grief is in your bodies. Grief fog is brain chemistry that often occurs and clouds our brains so that we feel confused, disoriented and often forgetful. Everything can feel gray, overwhelming… and it’s very exhausting. Your whole world just changed… and so have you. Grief and its chemistry is real, inside of you and may surprise you.
That leaves mourning. What is mourning? Mourning is the social manifestation of bereavement. It is what happens when we grieve with others and is influenced by so many things, including your culture, your family beliefs, your religious practices, rituals and traditions. Mourning is the relational or social piece of our grieving and is so important to healing because grief needs to be witnessed.
If you can, trust your body and the grief that you feel. It will guide you. Lean into it if only for a few moments a day. Grief does heal when you are not alone and allow this natural process to occur. You grieve… because you love.
The HOPE Connection support groups provide a place to share your grieving process and to help you find ways to navigate the bereavement process while mourning with others who understand. We’re here to see you through… and we wish you comfort and healing.