It is often said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. If this is true, then perhaps words can be the companion that sits by that window. Words allow feelings to express the sorrow of the grieving heart.
Everyone has a story to tell. When someone is grieving a loss, there is a storied history in the relationship with that person who is no longer here. As the living heir of that history, at least in part, it is so important to emotionally anchor yourself in order to be in the position to open up and share intimate details about you and your loved one during the most critical and oftentimes the worst period of your life. It is one of the ways in which your delicate fragile heart speaks. It’s a method of keeping that memory vividly alive. It is a way that that soul lives on and brings forth their spirit, their essence along your journey to accompany you while you are still here.
However, it is equally important to share your feelings about how you are experiencing your own personal loss as it affects your entire life on all levels. It is a way of keeping you connected to this life and helping your soul to grieve by saying goodbye and letting go, while almost simultaneously inflexibly gripping on to the past for dear life.
Through the very act of opening up to people who are experiencing the same or similar journey of loss, you will speak the same grief language. You will share an identical range of feelings. You will share the same variety of behaviors. You will even share the same array of thoughts. This is what sets you apart from non-grievers. You enter a different grouping of people who through shared experiences enhance the way you reevaluate life because for you, everything has been altered. You won’t yet understand the full implications of how much you’ve been affected. It is the literal and virtual struggle that you are going through to survive the most painful experience ever.
Words have power. In grief, these very words can slice you, irritate you, isolate, depress, anger, sadden or injure you. They can even silence you. Words can also soothe you, connect you with others, calm and liberate you. They can also help you to feel like you’re not so alone.
If you find that you cannot speak for yourself, then you can discover solace through the words of others who are able to speak for you or express feelings that you don’t know how to formulate. But when you do hear the connecting words, you know it in your heart because they resonate throughout your soul.
The beauty of words, especially in grief, inspires people to write songs of loss, heartbreak, loneliness, emptiness and devastation. Words bind us, enfold us, encourage us and can give us hope to live on.
Through the ages, grief has been communicated through various artistic endeavors. These are just as beautiful, just as poetic and just as expressive in their own unique artistic form: The language of music, Eastern and Western medicine, poetry, literature, dance, song, teaching, acting, sports, painting, sculpting, designing, cooking, baking and the healing arts.
These art forms speak to us even without words. They tell a story, someone’s story. Let the words illustrate your story. It deserves to be heard. You feel it, you recognize it. It touches you and, in many cases, you never forget it. It stays with you. It can even change you. Find your own unique declaration through words and art to express your grief. It can be a tremendous form of self-healing.
As much loss as there is in this world, the sharing of it still remains a topic that many people are reluctant to address or completely avoid because they simply don’t want to face it. It has been described as “too uncomfortable,” “too revealing” and “too painful.” But we all need to learn to grieve. We just need to do it. It will affect each one of us at some point either directly or indirectly. We can grieve alone or together, but each one of us will have to do it. We, ourselves, will need comfort and we will need to extend it to someone else who is grieving. It might be helpful if we learn to be in a dance with grief — to rhythmically sway, waltz, swing, break-dance, twist, to rock, roll and bow down to all the many ways grief moves through us.
In grief, there is a greater potential for inevitable change to occur, with or without your consent. Facing life after loss is to courageously step tentatively from the darkened past into the light of hidden future possibilities, dripping with beckoning uncertainty and an inherent promise of inexhaustible hope. Only you can determine how powerful the outcome.