What’s in a word? Some words can be very powerful, especially when you’re grieving. For someone whose parent has recently died, the first word they associate with their parent might be constant. It’s usually defined as dedicated, devoted, faithful, loyal, steadfast, steady. For many adult children who have had a parent die, those are some of the words that immediately spring to mind when they describe their parent. They might also say they thought of their parent “as an angel,” “a best friend,” “best support.”
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Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Posts by Evelyn Pechter, Psy.D. (Page 2)
Nostalgia is, by its very nature, bittersweet, the happiest memories laced with melancholy. It’s that combination, that opposition of forces, that makes it so compelling. People, places, events, times: we miss them, and there’s a pleasure in the missing and a sadness in the love. — Robert J. Wiersema (Canadian author)
Nostalgia is that deep longing, that yearning for what was. When you’re grieving, it’s normal to want your loved one to be with you. Even when you know the sad reality, your heart is longing for what was.
New Beginnings is a group for ongoing support as a place of growth… from grief to growth.
Think back to your time when your spouse died. Imagine seeing your life as if you were sitting in the first row of a movie theatre. It’s too big — you can’t see everything at once. Then after four months, you move from Group 1 to Group 2. Now, imagine moving back five rows in the movie theatre. Your life still looms large on the screen but not quite as large.
“Though we would like to live without regrets, and sometimes proudly insist that we have none, this is not really possible, if only because we are mortal.” — James Baldwin
Memories are powerful and can be simply thought of as reflective nostalgia. Or they can turn into something much more, with the potential to trigger an overwhelming feeling of regret.
When someone you love dies, it’s normal to focus on some guilt or perhaps some regret which then boils to the surface without warning.
Ah, New Year’s Eve is coming soon. For anyone who has lost a spouse recently that simple thought may be simply dreadful. Reactions to any holiday may range from I hate this to Boy I’ll be glad when this is over. Holidays — especially the first ones you’re experiencing alone — can be nerve wracking, beginning with the decision to even attend any celebrations.
Have you ever heard something that speaks to you so deeply that you’re compelled to stop and think about it over and over? That was how I felt recently after listening to Rabbi Naomi Levy’s sermon at a Nashuva service online.
She spoke of her childhood, how she was the youngest of four siblings and the youngest of nine grandchildren. Her family lived on the ground floor. The family of an aunt and uncle lived above them and another aunt and uncle’s family lived next door. The grandparents lived next door to them. In 2nd grade, she was given a dress to wear for class photos. She went next door and saw a picture laying on the table of one of her cousins wearing the dress. She exclaimed, “Cindy is in my dress!” Her Aunt Leah said, “No, actually Cindy is wearing a dress that came from her sister Mimi and now from Cindy to you.”
When someone’s spouse or partner dies, people naturally reach out with unbridled sympathy. When someone’s parent dies, though, people can inadvertently couch their sympathy in ways that may not be helpful. Your mom died? That’s life!
There is one common denominator, though, to losing a spouse or a parent: your grief demands attention, now or later — your choice.
Have you heard the phrase “Driven to distraction?” It’s a common reality for many. Grief brings worries, fears, anxiety, plus the pain of being alone. Being alone is one of the most difficult aspects of loss of a loved one. Now with the pandemic and physically needing to social distance, there is more alone time. With that is a craving of distractions to keep the mind busy. And understandably so. No one wants to feel the pain of grief and being alone.
“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this, and after this.” — N. Kazan There are indeed events that divide your life into “before and after.” And holidays often make you realize the significance of the event you’ve experienced. If you’re grieving, holidays —…
Take a moment and ask yourself an important heartfelt question: What is my purpose?
There may even be many parts to that question. What links me to community? Who am I now? Where do I belong? What is important to me?
These are all very important questions, and perhaps until now you’ve been someone who knew yourself, or at least thought you did. Now your grief, the loss of your loved one, has zapped your confidence. As you begin the next step on your unexpected journey, you may not be sure who you are, nor what your purpose is or what that purpose could be. It’s not easy to see your evolving identity and purpose through the grief, yet creating or re-creating purpose is a worthy goal. If you are asking yourself questions about what your purpose is, perhaps you are also saying you want to find meaning in your life now.