Grieving is so very hard. No one knows how to do it the first time they grieve, so they fumble their way through it. And it hardly gets any easier with each subsequent loss they sustain.

When we experience the death of someone we love, it’s difficult enough wrestling with the fact that they’re gone. One of the aspects we aren’t prepared for is the impact of some of the secondary losses: having to move (and thus losing a home), loss of identity or financial stability, loss or cancellation of future plans and — the loss of the physical presence of another. In fact, almost mysteriously, “absence” becomes a powerful physical force.

In this context, the term uncoupling can be applied to anyone who has had a deep, meaningful relationship with a significant someone who has been a source of support and shared an enduring special connection — and lost them through death. This includes spouses, partners, close parent-and-child relationships, siblings (especially twins), cousins and best friends.      

Grief is an ever-running stream, flowing fluid and unyielding. It twists and turns, it ebbs and flows, backs up and it gushes forward taking no prisoners as it surges on. It is an uninvited intruder in our lives, a force of nature that commands respect. You can run from it, you can hide, distract, ignore or even fight it. At some point, however, you will unwittingly give it your maximum attention. It will be your reckoning. Grief is the staggering unwanted mandatory tax you pay for losing someone you love.

The power of Rossmore’s strength came from the articulation of emotions in the silence. For many days and nights, he sat by Tracy’s side as his best friend sobbed over the death of his beloved wife, Lila. No stranger to grief, Rossmore was weeping from the inside over Lila, whom he loved dearly. He was conditioned to live in the here and now as a way of life and it had served him well. Focused 100 percent with undivided attention, he was here for Tracy at the worst time of his friend’s life.

When dealing with grief, many of us experience three of the four basic human emotions: madness, sadness and fear. The fourth one, “joy,” is not very popular during mourning because it’s deemed inappropriate, in bad taste and unacceptable in the midst of grieving. Wanting to be culturally sensitive and socially correct, we tread lightly because oftentimes we don’t know what to say, and most of all, we don’t want to offend.