“Toxic Positivity.” What in the world does that mean? Many of us from the time we are little are told to Think positive.  Look on the bright side. Turn that rainy day into a sunny day. For goodness sake, don’t cry. Change those sad thoughts into happy thoughts. There is even a song called “Don’t Worry. Be Happy.”

Having a loved one die has so very many layers of grief and loss.

It’s so individual to you, who you are, how you think, what you believe, how and where you live, your network of support and so on. Grieving is a natural occurrence in our bodies and emotions. It’s also a complicated one that really requires that we give it our attention and allow it to heal. If you ignore it, it can sneak up on you when least expect it and feel like it knocks you down. “Why do I suddenly feel awful? What’s wrong with me.” The answer: nothing is wrong. It’s grief and all of its layers unfolding, whether you pay attention or not.

After a loved one dies, people often have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. They feel lost, and the process of despairing and searching begins. Not only has our loved one died, we’ve lost our sense of connection. “S/He was my life.”

Being alone without another person’s physical presence is an interesting circumstance.

Isn’t it already painful enough that your spouse died and you’ve been thrust into a solitary life that you didn’t ask for and don’t want? Circumstances like a pandemic make the reality even more challenging. You’re being told to stay at home (often totally alone) and to social distance. Social distancing when we’re social beings is such a contradiction to what we’ve always been taught and encouraged. Even if it’s for the good of all, it still causes a conflict —  cognitive dissonance, inside. It’s not what we believe to be true. We want and yearn human contact and connection.