After the death of her daughter, Martha Whitmore Hickman wrote a wonderful book, Healing After Loss — daily meditations for working through grief. Many members of the HOPE community have talked about this powerful resource during group sessions. Hickman structures each meditation the same, with a quote, followed by her insight about it, ending with a simple summary. Today’s is especially timely.
All those who try to go it sole alone
Too proud to be beholden for relief
Are absolutely sure to come to grief.
— Robert Frost
Those who, out of pride or for any other reason, try to go it alone are in for a hard time.
Nowhere is this more true than in dealing with the loss of a loved one. We are already lonely — for the one we have lost. To be sure, no one can fill that particular space — and we wouldn’t want anyone to — but that emptiness does make us more needful of loving and supporting relationships in the rest of our lives.
The work of grief is hard work, and we need people to help us — to listen, to hold us, to remember our loved one with us, to give us their wisdom.
There is a story of a little girl who got home from visiting her friend later than her mother expected. When her mother asked the reason for the delay, the child said, “I was helping Jane. Her doll broke.”
The mother asked, “ Did you help her fix it?”
The child said, “No, I helped her cry.”
We all need people to help us cry.