“Healing Grief… Moment by Moment” is a podcast created and produced by HOPE Connection. In each short episode Dr. Jo Christner or another HOPE Connection therapist offers a meditative exploration of a different aspect of grief and the healing process. As you listen, we wish you love, light and comfort. This episode: “Negotiating The Holidays – Easter and Passover” (March 2022) — Jo Christner, Psy.D.
This is a Moment of Healing…
You can feel it in the air and warm sun. It’s Spring!
Nature is being reborn as it comes alive from a long winter. Although the pandemic still exists, it too seems to be changing and some people are feeling the freedom of more connection and more movement. With Spring comes renewal, optimism and rebirth.
With Spring also comes the holidays, Easter and Passover, traditionally family holidays also celebrating messages of faith, optimism, rebirth and renewal.
Yet, you might be dreading them.
That’s understandable if you’re grieving. When you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, thinking of celebrating when you heart feels broken is difficult.
It may seem like the holidays just remind you of loss: your loved one, your memories of the past holidays and knowing that it has all changed.
Holidays and special occasions make the absence of your loved one seem even more heightened and conspicuous.
So, how do you cope and navigate the holidays?
The following may give you some guidance through this unknown territory.
1. Remember that anticipating the holidays and how hard they might feel is usually worse than the reality. You’ve been through the worst, the loss of your loved one. You will get through the holidays.
2. Do what’s right for you. If you don’t want to participate, that’s a choice and an option. Just remember that the rituals can be helpful and being with family and or community can also be helpful. Others may not understand your choices or your feelings… and that’s okay. It’s up to you to set your guidelines for what you feel you can manage.
3. If you do attend traditional dinners or services, how can you bring your loved one to the holiday? You can create your own rituals by lighting a candle, sharing stories about your loved one, sharing pictures or even carrying one in your pocket. You can even make a toast. These are just a few ideas.
4. Being alone is sometimes easier… and sometimes harder. Again, it’s your choice. If you’re in a grief group, consider reaching out to be together with others who understand how hard this holiday can be. Reach out to friends, neighbors or even members from your place of worship. We’re not here to see through one another, we’re here to see one another through.
5. Nature can be a great companion. Spend time outdoors. Take a walk, spend time in the warmth of the sun, smell the fragrance of flowers and watch the birds and the clouds in the sky. It may lighten your step. Nature requires very little from you but will give you so much.
6. If you join others for Easter or Passover dinner, tell the host that if you leave the table, you will be back. You just need a little time to regroup.
7. Educate others that’s it okay to mention your loved one’s name. They don’t know how and what to do. You might even consider starting the stories about your loved one.
8. Make plans… even if you change your mind. Having a plan gives you a road map.
9. Holiday Traditions — you can honor them if it feels right for you. If not, it’s okay to not do them this year.
10. It’s important to know that you can be honest and open about your feelings instead of being “strong” and hiding them. Your “strength” by hiding your feelings teaches others to hide their feelings. If we’re all honest with our feelings, we learn that the feelings pass, we heal, we grow, we survive and we have a very sacred moment of connecting heart to heart.
11. You will always have your grief just like you will always have your love. Your grief does change and it will heal. Remember that it’s important to find a way to connect with others in your life now.
12. Find ways to honor your loved one by remembering and sharing. Honor yourself by staying present and taking care of you.
The holiday will pass and you will survive.
Wishing you much love and light in healing your heart… moment by moment.