When we are experiencing deep grief, our relationship with ourselves would ideally be gentle, kind, accepting. Yet that is often not the case as we bombard ourselves with expectations, overload, regrets, guilt and even shame. The presence of a negative inner companion can be our reality during times of trauma and sorrow.
Listen to Fearless Soul and their hit song “Be Kind To Yourself”
When deep in grief, there are unbearable feelings of loss of control in a world that no longer makes sense. We often turn against ourselves trying to gain control and direction. The result is added suffering on top of the pain of loss.
Being your own best friend can relieve you of that extra layer of suffering and give you a base of strength to deal with the blows of life. Here are some powerful ways to be good to yourself during hard times as well as all times.
Start easy. Set an intention to be nice to yourself. Intention is a first step toward turning desire into reality.
Don’t go it alone. Find your community. Let family and friends help even if their efforts may not be perfectly attuned to your needs. Bring in the “angels,” the people in your life who treat you in loving, caring ways.
Join a grief support group so you can understand what is happening to you emotionally. It is so comforting to be with others who are also experiencing the pain of loss as you go through stages of grieving together with guidance.
You have heard that it “takes a village” to raise a child. It is also true that we need that village throughout our lives, especially during the toughest of times.
A loving act of self-care is to let beauty into your life. Grief is a state of being that is beyond words at a soul level. That is also true of beauty. Experiencing beauty is transcendent, lifting us up, bringing slivers of light in our darkest of times.
There is “near beauty” — easy to access, and especially important in stages of grief that are so overwhelming that you lack energy for doing anything demanding. Simple acts such as a walk outside, opening your senses to nature – staring at a flower, watching a bird or squirrel, looking at clouds, beholding a sunset or moonrise.
For many, listening to music can soothe at that inspirational level beyond words, especially classical music so easily available on phone apps or TV music channels.
Art is another area that goes beyond words. Look for photos, artwork, or objects in your living space that bring you comfort –beauty right there where you are every day. Notice and treasure what is beautiful to you.
“Far beauty” takes more effort and planning. As you move through stages of grieving you will be ready to venture out, treating yourself to time spent in parks, museums, public gardens, performances, art exhibits – so many places that can soothe and open you to a sense of wonder even when you are enveloped in emotional pain.
The challenge of being your own best friend includes bringing compassion and kindness to your relationship with yourself.
Recall the many ways that you are kind, supportive and good to others. Think about the compassion you feel toward people you love in their times of need. Notice your empathy toward children, animals, people you don’t know who touch your heart as you view the news, read an article or watch an emotional film. Bring those feelings into your heart toward yourself.
Focus or meditate on the words “kindness, compassion” and feel for your grieving self. When you find yourself hit with negative self-talk about how you are doing or caught in the frustration of “should haves,” gently remind yourself of kindness and compassion.
Intention, community, beauty, compassion and kindness are pathways to self-love while you grieve — and they are always your foundation as you experience the healing balm of being your own best friend.