Often friends and family don’t know what to do to help you when you’re grieving. It’s hard to watch you struggle and not be the same. They feel helpless and don’t know what to do. They just want You back, the you and life that they have known.
It may help to imagine writing a letter to them to try and explain your thoughts and feelings. It might go something like…
To my dear family and friends:
Listen to Dr. Jo read A Letter To Family And Friends… or read the letter below.
I know, I’ve changed. I’m different than the person you have known for many years. Sadly, it’s true. I’ve lost me too… but I’ll find me again.
Since my loved one died, my life and my world are so different. I feel a bit upside down much of the time (I’m told that is shock and grief fog) and I’m attempting to keep walking while feeling lost and alone. Grief is definitely a lonely walk even when surrounded by others.
Please know that you can’t “fix” me and no, I’ll never be the same as I used to be. I’ll be different. I’ve learned that grief does that. It changes us because a part of us has been loved… and now is lost. It takes time and work to find my way “home” again to… me and to my changed life. I won’t be the same, but I will be me again, just different. My heart has been hurt and needs time to heal.
Please know that you can help by showing patience, by not trying to fix me or giving me advice, especially by not asking me to focus on the “positive.” My world just doesn’t feel so positive right now. Please don’t try to take my grief away. It’s connected to my love… and it will take time and work to settle and heal.
I am learning that when someone you love dies it is a loss that burns deep inside of your heart. Healing from that loss takes time and support. With your help and the help of new friends that I have made in my group, we will get through.
I’ve learned that everyone grieves differently, and that we need to be kind and loving to each other, not judge each other. That will help us heal together.
Our lives have all changed… and I know that you’re grieving, too. We grieve differently but we all feel the loss and change. Change is hard for everyone.
So, let’s hug each other, find patience and words to talk to each other about our loss… and talk about our loved one. Their memory and love are things that will see us through. We keep them here by sharing them and how they touched our lives and hearts.
We all need each other now more than ever. I am blessed to have all of you close to my heart. Through love, we can receive and give strength to each other and slowly find ways to heal… together.
Sending you much love…