By Jo Christner, Psy.D.
Having had a loved one recently die, every HOPE group member is keenly aware that life can take an unexpected and devastating turn in an instant. In the last couple of weeks, we have all had to deal with another unexpected development: isolation and the temporary cancellation of our weekly in-person support groups. That creates more grief upon grief.
We always hear feedback from our members and graduates of our programs about how positively Hope Connection has affected their lives. I offer, at this time, my own personal perspective of how Hope Connection has affected mine from a facilitator’s point of view.
“Raindrops on Roses and whiskers on kittens.
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.”
You probably recognize those song lyrics from Sound Of Music. It is easy to dismiss that song as a bit of tuneful fluff with charming images. Another way of viewing it is as a gem of musical wisdom on how to survive the tough times of life.
It’s raining outside. I’m sitting inside listening to the rain and pondering the essence of Nature as I watch the raindrops and leaves falling. Nature is so beautiful… and restoring. The rain brings regrowth and soon the trees will be green again. How do we know that? Because we’ve seen it happen over and over, cycle after cycle.
Susie knew that if she skipped out on the annual tradition of a large family get-together, her grief would grow and attending the following year would be that much harder. Susie is a member of a spousal loss support group and she shared that it was difficult leaving her house recently to attend a friend’s celebration. However, Susie mustered up all of…
As you might know, anxiety can be inextricably connected to grief and is considered a normal part of the grieving process. For some, it can become a constant companion in the grieving process. What is anxiety? Basically, it’s feeling a sense of worry, nervousness, unease and excessive apprehension. Honestly, it can just feel plain terrifying and awful, as though you’re going crazy…
Lucy Hone is a codirector at the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience and a research associate at AUT University in Auckland. She is also the author of the book Resilient Grieving.
I’d like to start by asking you some questions.
Have you ever lost someone you loved? Had your heart broken? Struggled through an acrimonious divorce or been the victim of infidelity?
Have you ever lived through a natural disaster? Been bullied? Or made redundant from a job?
Ever had a miscarriage or an abortion, or struggled through infertility?
Finally, have you or anyone you loved had to cope with mental illness, dementia, some form of physical impairment, or suicide?
Chances are, you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, and that’s true for most people. Adversity doesn’t discriminate.
If you are alive, you are going to have to deal with some tough times.
A long time ago, I presented a half-day workshop called “When the Group Changes.” It was about how difficult it is when any group changes and has to say goodbye. It’s hard to say goodbye, whether it’s an individual, a family or an organization. Everyone grieves. It’s a natural part of life. Life changes and whether we like it or not, it still changes. Nothing is permanent.
Resilience, hope and sometimes pure courage are some of the things that help us through… one day at a time, one step at a time, one minute at a time.
In a time of spousal loss, we can seek solace from friends and family, but we also need to find a healing circle of people with whom we can speak openly without having the words catch in our throats. We need to share our grief with others going through similar feelings.
Together we face our loss as part of a loving, accepting community — sharing, laughing, crying, recalling moments of lost love.
HOPE CONNECTION is the place to find that “beloved” circle.
Seymour Rimer — “Sy”
If you’re grieving the death of your spouse, it may sometimes feel as though you’ll never heal. But as the days and weeks and months and, yes, even years go by, healing does occur. One essential part of the healing process is gratitude. In the early days of your grief, gratitude might also seem like an emotion you’ll never experience again. If you make a practice of gratitude, though — expressing it even if you do not wholeheartedly feel it — you may just find that gratitude helps you heal.