With age comes an increased awareness of what used to be. Mental pictures from the distant past grow sharper, more in focus almost than more recent events. The images are clear; the voices strong and resonant; and the tastes and smells are as keen as ever. I’ve come to understand that what has gone by is not really gone at all; it is, all of it, still here within me, within reach. I have only to give over my mind, allowing a slight opening for the images to enter and there they are – rich and precious and alive.
(818) 788-HOPE (4673)
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Often, poets capture the feelings following the death of our loved one in ways that transcend words. Westley Nash does exactly that in this short poem, read by the author, Left Behind.
Spring is finally here! Winter felt like forever this year. Now, we’re watching the miracle of Nature as life slowly comes back to our landscapes that were changed by the harshness of Winter and natural disasters. The charred California mountains are now filled with beautiful colors of blue lupine, orange poppies and the golden mustard plant. Do you feel it? The colorful…
“I was taught to bury with the dead the presence of my grief…
But when a shattered heart is desperate, the only respite is to let somebody in.”
— From “Home” by Sara Bareilles
A HOPE Connection grief group is certainly the place where grief is shared. Our loved ones are honored over and over as members say, Tell me your story. I’ll tell you mine.
It is the sacred place of sharing grief and fond memories and letting someone else in.
Viktor Frankl, psychologist, author and Holocaust survivor, coined the term “tragic optimism” as the ability to sustain hopefulness despite the unavoidable trials and tribulations of being human. This is not just a happy face that you put on. It’s a way of seeing purpose in grief, a way of embracing the highs and lows of full humanity.
Imagine you owned a beautiful home where you found peace and contentment living there for many years. Suddenly, one day without warning or provocation, you found yourself with an uninvited and unwanted inhabitant invading the premises.
When someone we love dies, the brain becomes a house where grief takes over and sets up residence. It can feel as though our well-used furniture has been rearranged in the dark. We reach for a light switch, but it is no longer there, and we trip over the enormous emptiness left behind. This isn’t just sadness; it is a biological crisis where the mind struggles to map out a world that no longer contains a vital piece of its landscape.
There are many types of parent child relationships ranging from the most loving and supportive to the most troubled and conflicted. For the sake of this conversation, let’s start with the most loving relationship. Let’s say you have a son or daughter who couldn’t be more loving, understanding and supportive. They visit you, call and check on you regularly, they meet many of your needs, take you to your doctors’ appointments, make sure you eat, take your meds, take you on outings and see your grandchildren, family and friends, etc. They want to take extra special care of you because they don’t want any harm to come to you. They cannot even tolerate the thought of you dying on their watch.
Your body carries so much when you are grieving. Remember, grief is in your body, in your neuro-chemistry. Pay attention to it instead of pushing it away or ignoring it. The Loving-Kindness for the Body Meditation by Trudy Goodman, a renowned Buddhist meditation teacher and Harvard-trained psychotherapist, may guide you. Trudy’s practice is also great to do in bed upon waking, right…
The yearly calendar begins with January marking the days of our lives. Our journey through grief can be described in seasons. Understanding our seasons of grief can help us endure unbearable loss with self-compassion and strength.
“Every season is one of becoming, but not always one of blooming. Be gracious with your ever-evolving self.” — B. Oakman
Winter represents a beginning season of grief and offers ways to cope. When death takes your beloved, you may be plunged into darkness, despair — your world becomes barren and lonely. The winter of grief is about survival — focus on basic needs. It is a time to take exquisite care of yourself even though you may feel alienated from the you of today as you yearn for yesterday.
I have been listening to versions of Turn! Turn! Turn! since Pete Seeger took the much quoted biblical passage from Ecclesiastes and made it into a song in the 1950s. In 1965 it became an international hit as recorded by the Byrds.
As a young woman, I felt the power of the song lyrics as I examined my life and looked toward the possibilities with so many years to come.
If the leaves on a tree
In the summer sun, growing,
Are one generation,
Do those that are now, alive,
Have in them the memory
Of the ones that fell in the winter?
Do those that are now have dreams
Of those that will bloom next spring?
What do leaves really know for sure
In the autumn of their lives?