Self-care is like flossing — we know we need to do it regularly, but most people don’t. It is important to take care of yourself, especially during a time of grieving. Taking care of yourself while you grieve can help you suffer less in every way — in your mind, body and spirit. There is no timeline on grief, so take as much time as you need and seek and accept help and support from friends and loved ones, as well as seeking professional support such as personal therapy or joining a bereavement support group.
Take a moment to look at this antique kiddush cup. At the top is a larger cup that is filled with wine on Shabbat and shared with the family after a blessing is made. The wine is poured into the cup at the top and then, like a tiered fountain, the liquid flows to the smaller cups that the family shares.
Now imagine that the larger cup on top is filled with your love. Each time you pour out a little love — expressions to your loved ones, loving attentiveness to your work, any outpouring of your time, energy or affection — a little less remains in your cup, until eventually your cup runs dry.
It is important to find ways to fill up your cup of love, especially during a time of bereavement. Not only for yourself, but also so that you can continue to give the love you want to give to those you care about.
What are ways you can fill up your cup of love?
Basic Needs – Begin with the most fundamental of those found in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs — our primal basic needs that include breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, maintaining homeostasis. A simple analogy illustrates the point: Airplanes require you to put on your oxygen mask before helping a child or another passenger. If we are not breathing, how can we expect to help someone else breathe?
Self-Care — Prioritize your self-care. Perhaps you have heard yourself say, “I don’t have time… to go the gym, get my nails done, take an afternoon to myself.” We often prioritize other people’s needs before our own. It is important that you prioritize yourself and find the time to take care of yourself. Make a date with yourself, put it in your schedule, make it just as important as making a date with a friend.
Turning your attention inward — Much of our attention and focus during the day is outward. Take time each day to turn your attention inward. Start by taking time at the start of your day and at the end of your day to dedicate five minutes of turning inward. You can find a five-minute journal or a gratitude journal (available on Amazon), and have this by your bedside with the invitation to take five minutes before you start your day to check in, before you go on with your busy life and then an additional five minutes at the end of your day before coming to a place of rest.
Connecting — As humans, we have a primal need for connection. When someone we love dies, we can feel disconnected. Seeking connection can provide healing. This can be a social connection (a conversation with a friend, support group, sharing experiences with others), a connection with nature (gardening, hiking, bird watching), a connection with oneself (meditation, journaling, mindfulness) or even a spiritual connection (talking out loud to someone who has died, visiting someone’s gravestone, writing a letter to a deceased loved one). It is important to find ways to connect, feel connected and to feel and be a part of something bigger.
As we begin to fill up our cup of love, we realize we continuously have more love to give. So take good care of yourself, and find ways to fill up your cup each day.