But that shadow has been serving you!
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.
You must have shadow and light source both.
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.
— Rumi, a 13th Century Poet
Grief in its rawest form can feel like a shroud: grey, bleak, hiding but not shielding us from unbearable pain. Grief can cause us to question if we will ever again recover our essence, zest and sense of hope. There is no antidote, nor would we want there to be. Grief is part of every life. It is a time more than any other when we need the healing balm that is found in states of awe.
It was late in the day as I was about to light a candle for the six-year remembrance of my husband’s death. Prior to the coming of night, I wanted to go out and see the sunset. I was in the open-air area of my apartment building, looking at the sky when a flutter of something caught my attention. There was a hummingbird in the potted flowers just a few inches away from where I was standing, closer than I had ever been to that winged creature. I froze watching as the bird flew from flower to flower sucking nectar while I felt myself filling with wonder, awe.
Awe is transcendent and touches the deepest part of our being. You can’t plan for it and there is often an element of surprise, even mystery. Moments of awe will leave you with a sense of wonder and often a glimmer of hope even when times are bleak.
It is not necessary to be in an upbeat frame of mind to experience awe. If we are not totally closed down, awe can surprise us, appearing like a rainbow on a rainy day.
Research is s mounting to illustrate how awe can produce brain chemistry that has a positive effect on mood, vital signs, stress levels and overall feelings of well-being. When grief is overwhelming, it may seem that there is no room for anything as uplifting as awe. All that is needed is an openness to the outside world. The opening can be very small like a sliver of sunlight.
It is not necessary to plan for awe yet there are ways to increase the probability of its occurrence.
Be Open To Your Senses Notice what you see, hear, touch, feel, smell. In order to do that you move from distraction into the present moment where you can experience the world around you.
Seek Beauty When you think of the word “beauty,” notice what comes to you. For many people it will be the natural world: flowers trees, butterflies, birds, sun, moon, sea. Nature brings you into the wonders of the world whether it is a mindful walk, a glance out the window, a planned excursion, staring at the ocean as the waves go in and out, smelling and tasting the salty sea air.
A recent widower described how he gets up every morning to see the sunrise. He says that some days are like his grief, dark clouds with no visible light. Other times there is beauty, a presence of wonder as a new day begins.
Beauty comes to us through the arts.Perhaps you have had a sense of awe as you listened to music, visited an art museum, attended a soulful stage performance.
Go Toward The Sacred You don’t need to be religious to be deeply touched when entering a holy place or attending a spiritual service. A friend described going into a Gothic cathedral in Europe just as a children’s choir was rehearsing. It was not a place of her religion, yet she felt as though she was in the presence of angels.
One of the many reasons meditation is sought out are the moments of presence with self as well as a higher power that can come when in a meditative state.
In the movie Collateral Beauty a young woman is in a hospital waiting area weeping when a mystical older woman asks who is dying. The tragic answer is a daughter, a young child. The elder woman tells her to look for the collateral beauty — love and kindness that exists in times of unspeakable sorrow.
In Dacher Kelter’s amazing book about awe he found the deepest source of awe throughout the world was related to human connection— witnessing acts of bravery, kindness, courage and the overcoming of obstacles. The incidents can be big or small but always meaningful.
I remember shortly after my husband’s death I received a note from a new neighbor, a busy nurse I barely knew. She offered to come over and clean my house. I was so touched and found a new friend even though I did not let her do the cleaning.
In HOPE Connection grief groups there are many moments where members deep in grief reach out to do incredible acts of kindness and compassion for other group members. Awe and sorrow often co-exist.
If we keep an open heart, we can have frequent moments of deep loving contact with others that make it possible to face the days of grief.
A popular expression is the word “awesome,” used for minor occurrences that may have no relationship to the essence of “awe.” Perhaps on an unconscious level the use of that catch phrase echoes the deep desire for true wonder in our lives. Opening up to awe is not just about our time of grieving. It is there for us every day.
Summer is here filled with light, long days, warmth, the fullness of the year. Awe is light, illumination of spirit, opening into wonder, transcendence. May you have countless moments that touch you profoundly — moments of awe.