I was scared as I entered the parlor
only a child of eight.
A house call with mom for the last visit
with my forever-gone uncle
my dear Uncle Nate.
(818) 788-HOPE (4673)
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Posts from 2020 (Page 2)
Using humor as a tool to cope with grief is closely associated with another movement: laughter yoga. A medical doctor from India, Dr. Madan Kataria, developed the practice of laugher yoga and it has spread across 100 countries. Adherents say that the scientifically proven benefits range from reducing blood pressure to strengthening the immune system. You can learn all about the techniques at the Laughter Yoga University.
When dealing with grief, many of us experience three of the four basic human emotions: madness, sadness and fear. The fourth one, “joy,” is not very popular during mourning because it’s deemed inappropriate, in bad taste and unacceptable in the midst of grieving. Wanting to be culturally sensitive and socially correct, we tread lightly because oftentimes we don’t know what to say, and most of all, we don’t want to offend.
The morning comes and you look for a reason to get out of bed.
You want to linger for hours but force yourself to rise and take a mini step to join the day.
That is courage.
The toothbrush you hold feels like a heavy hammer but you manage to brush your teeth, wash your face, fix your hair.
That is determination.
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh
Grief has a way of sapping confidence. With sapped confidence, you may not feel willing to speak what’s on your mind and in your heart. It’s too painful to speak.
Perhaps you are thinking you don’t want to burden anyone? Or that they won’t understand anyway so what’s the use. Then, without even realizing, little by little you give your voice to someone else. You let them speak for you and the way you feel. The confidence you once had seems so distant now.
Having a loved one die has so very many layers of grief and loss.
It’s so individual to you, who you are, how you think, what you believe, how and where you live, your network of support and so on. Grieving is a natural occurrence in our bodies and emotions. It’s also a complicated one that really requires that we give it our attention and allow it to heal. If you ignore it, it can sneak up on you when least expect it and feel like it knocks you down. “Why do I suddenly feel awful? What’s wrong with me.” The answer: nothing is wrong. It’s grief and all of its layers unfolding, whether you pay attention or not.
After a loved one dies, people often have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. They feel lost, and the process of despairing and searching begins. Not only has our loved one died, we’ve lost our sense of connection. “S/He was my life.”
A few questions and answers
I didn’t have a good relationship with my mother. Now that she’s died, I’m confused — why do I feel the grief and guilt that I feel?
Relationships are often complicated, especially when there has been conflict. When a relationship is complicated, volatile, even abusive, there is a grief process that needs attention. Your grief is a way of expressing feelings that perhaps did not get that attention while your parent was alive. Perhaps the guilt you feel is a way of acknowledging that you would have liked a different relationship. In difficult relationships with parents, there is often a lot that was unsaid. In a grief group, you have the opportunity to process those unsaid words in a safe environment. You may find that you are not alone and more importantly you and your feelings find support.
Download a PDF of this article to share with someone you love
Join Hillside Memorial Park in an online Remembrance Service for Father’s Day. Download the flyer for more information.
After the death of her daughter, Martha Whitmore Hickman wrote a wonderful book, Healing After Loss — daily meditations for working through grief. Many members of the HOPE community have talked about this powerful resource during group sessions. Hickman structures each meditation the same, with a quote, followed by her insight about it, ending with a simple summary. Today’s is especially timely. All…