Acceptance — what does that even mean? How does acceptance even happen?
Will acceptance show up? How will I know?
What if I don’t believe there is acceptance?
There are so many questions about acceptance and no easy answers. Especially acceptance of the loss of a loved one. When someone so important in your life dies, acceptance seems confusing and unrealistic.
I have been listening to versions of Turn! Turn! Turn! since Pete Seeger took the much quoted biblical passage from Ecclesiastes and made it into a song in the 1950s. In 1965 it became an international hit as recorded by the Byrds.
As a young woman, I felt the power of the song lyrics as I examined my life and looked toward the possibilities with so many years to come.
Spring is finally here! Winter felt like forever this year. Now, we’re watching the miracle of Nature as life slowly comes back to our landscapes that were changed by the harshness of Winter and natural disasters. The charred California mountains are now filled with beautiful colors of blue lupine, orange poppies and the golden mustard plant. Do you feel it? The colorful…
When a person experiences multiple deaths of loved ones within a short period of time, the pain can feel like too much to bear. Not only are you grieving for one loss, now there are two… for some, maybe more. As a result of multiple losses, your usual support system may be depleting. The people in your life may not understand the depth of your grief or be able to tolerate the intensity of it. You may feel a lack of connection with others, which may increase yours sense of isolation or loneliness.
What’s happening? I’m so spacey. I put the ice cream in the cupboard and the car keys in the freezer! I missed an appointment today! I’ve never done that before. Am I going crazy? Maybe I have Alzheimer’s! Oh my! I’m just not me anymore. What’s happening?
No worries, It’s your grief. You’re experiencing “Grief Fog.” Yes, it is a real thing! A mental fog and confusion are actually neurochemistry symptoms of extreme stress and grief. It is normal to be preoccupied, trying to make sense of the loss. All of these factors contribute to the fog of grief.
Please don’t take away my grief…
I know that you mean no harm when you say things like “You’ll feel better soon.” “You’re strong.“ “Look for the good things to remember.” There’s an entire long list of things that people say to me, wanting me to feel better… but I don’t feel better. I feel lost, alone and am missing my loved one.
When you try to “fix” my grief, I only leave it to take care of you, to make you feel better. Honestly, that takes a lot of energy and leaves me feeling exhausted and totally alone.
Grief and the holidays… what a paradox! They just don’t feel or sound like they go together, do they? Yet, here you are, facing the holidays while you’re grieving. Unfortunately, grief and the holidays are meshed together in ways that feel inexplicable and symbolic.
“It’s the Circle of Life and it moves us all through despair and hope through Faith and Love.” — From The Lion King These are soulful words though not typical of how we move through life. Our lives are usually experienced in a linear way — on a path that goes on and on until it fades away or ends abruptly. We count and…
While driving a car, it’s important to see things from two different viewpoints — through the windshield and in the rearview mirror. The windshield is large and designed to protect you by showing a clear view of your present surroundings and a short distance down the road ahead. The rearview mirror is much smaller. You periodically glance into the rearview mirror to…
This article is addressed to adults who have lost a parent. However, if that parent also happens to be your spouse, then this article is also meant for you — the parent of that adult child. Looking at parent-child relationships from every perspective is valuable and can help both parent and adult children heal and grow.
When your parent dies, the family gets confused.
The roles you had come to know and expect in your family, roles that have been in place for much of your life, suddenly are not the same. It can feel very foreign, unfamiliar and can really rock your world. Who are we without mom? Who are we without dad?