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Healing Grief… Moment By Moment: A HOPE Connection Podcast – A Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief

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“Healing Grief… Moment by Moment” is a podcast created and produced by HOPE Connection. In each short episode Dr. Jo Christner or another HOPE Connection therapist offers a meditative exploration of a different aspect of grief and the healing process. As you listen, we wish you love, light and comfort. This episode: “A Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief” (January 2022) — Jo Christner, Psy.D.

Oh my goodness, what is happening to me? I was doing okay. Everyone was telling me that I was doing better… and then suddenly, I feel like I’m right back at the beginning of my grief. I just don’t understand. Am I failing at this grieving thing? Am I doing it wrong?

All I did was hear a song… and I feel like I’ve fallen into a dark hole and feel shaky and so full of emotions.

What is wrong with me?

The answer is… nothing is wrong. You’ve had a S.T.U.G.

What is a STUG? It stands for “A Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief.” It usually happens suddenly and without warning. It can be frightening and really quite alarming. Sometimes you can identify a trigger… and sometimes you won’t know what caused it.

It can happen even years after the death of your loved one.

It’s normal, it’s in your body and chemistry… and it will pass.

So what can you do when it happens? It can be quite uncomfortable.

1. Identify it. Tell yourself that you have just experienced a S.T.U.G. Your body is processing more grief. Just ride it out and remind yourself that it is temporary. It will pass.

2. Find a safe place to sit, breathe deeply, put your feet on the floor and lean into it. Allow the pain until it passes. It will pass. Your body just needs time to recover from the visit to the past. It may take a little time until your brain chemistry and hormones return to baseline.

Breathe… and know that it will pass.

3. As you breathe, relax and know that you’ll be okay… your thoughts may become more clear.  You may identify a more meaningful and loving memory that was possibly a trigger. You may not… and that’s okay, too.

Just remember… You will never forget your loved one. The memories are in our bodies and in our chemistry.

Your grief and your triggers are tied not only to the trauma of loss but also to your love. Hold onto the Love… always. It will see you through.

Wishing you much Love and Light in healing your heart… moment by moment.

By Jo Christner, Psy.D.