Time can seem to pass in the blink of an eye. Here it is, minute by minute, day by day… almost 2025! The problem is that this year, it’s very, very different because your loved one is no longer here to celebrate with you. The holidays feel lonely without them. It’s all changed. We’re told that the holidays are about cheer and connection, right? Oh boy, when you’re grieving and sad, you may not feel very cheerful or connected. You may just feel like hiding until the holidays are over. Just let them be over! Can you do that? Can you just hide away? You may struggle with that idea because friends and family are reaching out and inviting you to join them. They don’t want you to be alone… although wanting to be alone might be exactly how you feel.
So, what can you do to get through these holidays?
It helps to have options. When grieving, it’s not easy to know what you want to do or are ready to do. You may have a plan A. You may also need a plan B and even a backup plan C. Those plans can range from spending time with friends and/or family… or being alone and just having the holidays pass. Kindly ask others to honor your choices.
Whichever plan you choose, here are some thoughts to help you cope with your grief during the holidays while also paying attention to your emotional needs:
Honor your loved one. You can incorporate your loved one into your holiday by lighting a candle, sharing memories, or making their favorite recipe. You can choose what will comfort you in honoring your loved one.
Take care of yourself. Grief can be tiring. It’s important to be gentle with yourself. During the holidays, do your best to eat healthy, take some walks, pay attention to the flowers, the birds, the trees and maybe even a squirrel. Meditate and pay attention to your breath; this can release some of the tension. Remember, you always have choices, including your backup plans.
Be honest with yourself and others. Be honest about what you want to do and only accept invitations that you feel you can handle. There is not just one way, there are many ways to get through the holidays.
Create a new tradition. You could consider creating a new ritual or tradition and have a discussion with family and friends about what that might look like. Invite their help and participation. It may be a gift to share this new tradition together.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays when you are grieving.
Friends and family members may not have a clue how to help you through this time of year… and you may not either. Some friends and relatives often think they know how holidays should look, and what you should and shouldn’t do. There is an old saying by Ram Das, “I’m tired of being should upon.” You may not want to be “should upon.” It may feel like too much pressure. It’s okay to not have to have all the answers right now.
It is important to remind yourself that when you talk about your loved one, you are honoring them and carrying their memory forward.
Often, friends and family don’t know how to talk about your loved one. They may want to but think that it will be too difficult and sad for you. If you are ready to have that conversation, help them by bringing it up. Something like: Remember that time we did that wonderful trip together? Or remember when we learned pickle ball? If you initiate, others may join in.
Sharing wonderful memories can be a part of any of your plans. Remember, though — how you get through this holiday season is for this year alone. Future years may and probably will have a different plan. These holidays will certainly never be the same as before your loved one’s death. However, in time, you may find you are able to find meaning again in bridging new and old traditions.
May these 365 days of 2025 be days of connecting, learning, growing and healing.