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Posts from March 2023

No, We Don’t Just “Move On” After Grieving

If your spouse or partner has died, you have probably had people say some things to you that are — however unintentional —completely inappropriate. One sentiment expressed in different ways is the idea that we should “move on” with our lives. As if we just need to get over it. In this powerful TED Talk, Nora McInerny talks about the fallacy of “moving on.”

To Grieve, Perchance to Dream      

I periodically dream that my husband returns from the dead. That is not an unusual experience in grief. Our loved ones are embedded in our souls and psyches and our dreams reflect many aspects of our grief journey: our wish to see them, our struggle to accept their loss, our fears and worries about the future, to name a few. They may also present us with existential questions about death. In my case, accepting death has been particularly difficult. My husband disappeared at sea nearly six years ago. Neither he nor his boat were ever found. Despite knowing consciously that he will never come back, in my subconscious his return is totally plausible.  Sometimes we seek answers in our dreams: Is he OK? Does he know I love him? Can he please give me guidance from beyond? And, my question, what happened? My dreams often reflect the challenge of not knowing how he died. I keep hoping he’ll tell me in my dreams.