“Raindrops on Roses and whiskers on kittens.
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.”
You probably recognize those song lyrics from Sound Of Music. It is easy to dismiss that song as a bit of tuneful fluff with charming images. Another way of viewing it is as a gem of musical wisdom on how to survive the tough times of life.
It’s a common question: What is life like after two years of grief?
This question is similar to questions you might have asked earlier. What happens during the first year? What happens after one year of grief? What happens during the second year? These are markers of time, yet grief does not always know what time it is.
Lynne Goldklang is a psychotherapist, writer and a grateful member of a HOPE bereavement group.
“I don’t think of all the misery but of all the beauty that remains.” — Anne Frank
Lynne Goldklang’s article, The Transformative Power Of Collateral Beauty, originally appeared one year ago. In light of the terrible fires plaguing the greater Los Angeles area, we invite you to reread her article with fresh eyes. Discovering collateral beauty has the power to soothe aching souls already dealing with grief of their own. — HOPE Connection
Many of you reading this may not only be grieving the death of a beloved person but in emotional pain if you live in Los Angeles or nearby communities where the wildfires have left death, destruction and tremendous loss. The situation is horrendous. Yet as you watch the news, there will also be stories of incredible deeds as well as mini miracles: the man who found his wedding ring in the rubble of his destroyed house, neighbors helping neighbors to evacuate, so many opening up homes to those who need a place to stay, the teen whose house was destroyed who collected needed supplies for others from all over the country, the animal rescue facility comforting and treating injured animals — hundreds of sacred acts of goodness and love.
This is the story of how I first came to appreciate the power and healing nature of these sacred acts.
Change is hard. For anybody. Especially someone who has been presented with life’s biggest change, the death of their significant other. As time passes, the griever is left to endure life’s challenges… with paperwork, figuring out day-to-day tasks, taking on more responsibilities and no longer having a partner to share them with. Changing a light bulb, paying taxes, doing laundry or other shared tasks, now all fall on you. Change is hard, so now what?
The holidays are too often a painful reminder of your changed life and the death of your loved one. They may force you to realize how much your life has changed. Holidays certainly may not feel festive — they may feel more like a spotlight painfully illuminating your sense of emptiness, aloneness and broken heart. How can you move from hiding or…
Like a thick veil slowly descending, blanketing itself over you and obscuring your vision, you can’t help but give in to the weight of its powerful effect. These are times when you cannot think, cannot feel, cannot see or eat or speak. The death of a spouse, child or anyone that you love dearly can leave you in this experience. No one wants to be in this place, especially not you.
Disenfranchised Grief
Have you ever experienced a loss so heartbreaking and no one was there to console you, to hold you, to hear you, to listen to your story, to cry with you, to help mend your broken heart? There was no Rabbi or Pastor to turn to, no group to give you a safe and non-judgmental place to mourn your loss, to heal your broken heart. This is what Disenfranchised Grief looks like. You feel utterly alone and silenced.
We all remember falling in love. We all remember those wonderful feelings we experienced when we fell in love. And if we experience love again, later in life, we become reacquainted with feeling alive and exuberant, like the teenagers we once were. But falling in love can also be shocking when it happens after the loss of a beloved spouse and no…
I recently wrote an article that dealt with insensitive remarks made by others. This time the camera of life will be a “selfie.” See if any of these remarks resonate with your own self-talk.
First come the common painful practice of “would of, could of, should of” comments that can really hurt. Here are a few examples:
The holidays can be painful reminders of a life that “was,” but New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with parades, football games and gatherings are triggers that make you realize how different your life really is now.
Our hopes center around the idea that this is a “new year.” In the “celebrating” of the New Year, our intentions are courageous. We hope that we will heal and feel that our lives are settling into a “new norm.” Our reality is often so different.