Listen to Lynne Goldklang as she reads A Yearning For What Can Never Be. Grief is an intense missing, longing, wanting, yearning for what can never be.Grief is loss so profound that relief is impossible, undesirable, an insult to love lost.Grief is forever — and healing an illusion of optimistic folly.Grief is the vulture that attacks without mercy. The moments of your…
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Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Posts by Lynne Goldklang, LMFT (Page 2)
But that shadow has been serving you!
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.
You must have shadow and light source both.
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.
— Rumi, a 13th Century Poet
Grief in its rawest form can feel like a shroud: grey, bleak, hiding but not shielding us from unbearable pain. Grief can cause us to question if we will ever again recover our essence, zest and sense of hope. There is no antidote, nor would we want there to be. Grief is part of every life. It is a time more than any other when we need the healing balm that is found in states of awe.
I was in the doldrums, sorting through a drawer, mourning my husband as the date of our anniversary approached. That old Kenny Rogers song, “The Gambler,” was playing in the background. I stopped what I was doing hoping for some comfort in the simplistic lyrics. I was drawn to a deck of cards in the back of the drawer, feeling compelled to spread them all out and see if I could find something to lift my spirits.
There is so much to discover in an ordinary card deck. The four suits alone give us a look at basic aspects of life that are impacted when there is a death of a loved one.
After the death of my husband, Don, I found myself adrift in my spiritual life. My religious beliefs from childhood offered some comfort but I wanted more. I wanted to forge a relationship with my husband that was eternal. I was drawn to those friends who told me of messages they were receiving from their deceased beloved ones.
“Everybody needs beauty… Places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and cheer, and give strength to body and soul alike.” — John Muir
In the musical Hamilton by Lin Manuel Miranda, there is a song that describes the pain Hamilton felt following the death of his cherished son in a duel — a death that haunted him all his life: “There are moments that the words don’t reach. There’s a grace too powerful to name. We push away what we can never understand. We push away the unimaginable.”
Judge: What is the charge?
Plaintiff: Being alive while my beloved is dead.
Judge: Where is your lawyer?
Plaintiff: I wish to plead my own case.
Judge: What is your plea?
Plaintiff: Guilty!
Judge: You are charged with a very common infraction following a death — Survivor’s Guilt!
“Do not delay, Do not delayThe golden moments fly.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow “The little things. The little moments. They aren’t little. “ — Jon Kabat -Zinnn Alice was 67 when her husband of 35 years died. She had lived her life as an optimistic cheerful person. Now her eyes had lost their sparkle. Her grief was overwhelming. After several weeks, she decided to…
Have you ever had an oven with a pilot light? You would not always see the light but you knew it was there, a small flicker that could ignite a bigger flame. Sometimes our resilience seems tiny and weak. It is not in sight and we wonder if it is there at all even though we have weathered many crises over the years. In these Pandemic times, the word “resilience” is often used to describe big flames, acts of heroism, courage under great odds. Even the dictionary states that resilience is about bouncing back, moving on. It can be daunting to be in constant contact with such a limited view of our inner strength with the bar set very high.
Soon January will flow into February, another month with short colder days, often dreary. It is also the month with the sweetest, most passionate holiday — Valentine’s Day. When you have lost your life partner, whether recently or years ago, whether you are on your own or in a new relationship, Valentine’s Day can be an arrow to the heart. Our losses and grief can be deeper, more painful, when it seems as though the world is celebrating connection to the one special person.
Josh Groban, singing “To Where You Are”
In addition to the ways to connect with our loved ones that we discussed in The Wonder Of Everlasting Love, music is another especially powerful way to connect. Many partners have songs that are special to them. Whenever you hear any song that was part of your relationship, you have probably felt strong emotion, bringing back cherished memories.