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Posts by Evelyn Pechter, Psy.D. (Page 3)

“The Times They Are A Changin”

By Evelyn Pechter, Psy.D.

Bob Dylan was right — there are all kinds of changes that come. Layers upon layers of change.  Among those layers are welcome changes: for example, a new baby in the family, a new son or daughter-in-law. These changes can allow for a smile and fond memories. Then there are changes that are not so welcome. The ones that cause great pain and grief — the primary losses: the death of a spouse, or a parent or anyone, near or far. Then there are secondary losses: the lack of physically getting together with friends and family, the change of everyday routines, such as going to the market, and feeling fearful if someone gets closer than six feet, and a list that grows. 

Pandemic

By Lynn Ungar, Unitarian Minister What if you thought of itas the Jews consider the Sabbath—the most sacred of times?Cease from travel.Cease from buying and selling.Give up, just for now, on trying to make the worlddifferent than it is. Sing. Pray. Touch only thoseto whom you commit your life.Center down. And when your body has become still,reach out with your heart.Know that we are…

Community In Spirit

By Jo Christner, Psy.D.

Having had a loved one recently die, every HOPE group member is keenly aware that life can take an unexpected and devastating turn in an instant. In the last couple of weeks, we have all had to deal with another unexpected development: isolation and the temporary cancellation of our weekly in-person support groups. That creates more grief upon grief.

Tend and Befriend with Mindful Self-Compassion

It’s raining outside.  I’m sitting inside listening to the rain and pondering the essence of Nature as I watch the raindrops and leaves falling. Nature is so beautiful… and restoring. The rain brings regrowth and soon the trees will be green again. How do we know that? Because we’ve seen it happen over and over, cycle after cycle.

Understanding Your Grief Mask

Susie knew that if she skipped out on the annual tradition of a large family get-together, her grief would grow and attending the following year would be that much harder.  Susie is a member of a spousal loss support group and she shared that it was difficult leaving her house recently to attend a friend’s celebration. However, Susie mustered up all of…

Resiliency: 3 Ways To Cope With Tragedy And Loss

Lucy Hone is a codirector at the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience and a research associate at AUT University in Auckland. She is also the author of the book Resilient Grieving.

I’d like to start by asking you some questions.

Have you ever lost someone you loved? Had your heart broken? Struggled through an acrimonious divorce or been the victim of infidelity?

Have you ever lived through a natural disaster? Been bullied? Or made redundant from a job?

Ever had a miscarriage or an abortion, or struggled through infertility?

Finally, have you or anyone you loved had to cope with mental illness, dementia, some form of physical impairment, or suicide?

Chances are, you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, and that’s true for most people. Adversity doesn’t discriminate.

If you are alive, you are going to have to deal with some tough times.

Happy Birthday, HOPE Connection

A long time ago, I presented a half-day workshop called “When the Group Changes.” It was about how difficult it is when any group changes and has to say goodbye. It’s hard to say goodbye, whether it’s an individual, a family or an organization. Everyone grieves. It’s a natural part of life. Life changes and whether we like it or not, it still changes. Nothing is permanent.

Resilience, hope and sometimes pure courage are some of the things that help us through… one day at a time, one step at a time, one minute at a time.

Thank You, HOPE Connection

In a time of spousal loss, we can seek solace from friends and family, but we also need to find a healing circle of people with whom we can speak openly without having the words catch in our throats. We need to share our grief with others going through similar feelings. 

Together we face our loss as part of a loving, accepting community — sharing, laughing, crying, recalling moments of lost love.

HOPE CONNECTION is the place to find that “beloved” circle.

Seymour Rimer — “Sy”

Gratitude – Essential To Healing

If you’re grieving the death of your spouse, it may sometimes feel as though you’ll never heal. But as the days and weeks and months and, yes, even years go by, healing does occur. One essential part of the healing process is gratitude. In the early days of your grief, gratitude might also seem like an emotion you’ll never experience again. If you make a practice of gratitude, though — expressing it even if you do not wholeheartedly feel it — you may just find that gratitude helps you heal.

‘Lonely’ Not Powerful Enough Word To Describe Widowhood

“Loneliness is not a surprising by-product of widowhood. I mean, even for the people who have never been through it, it’s a no-brainer. But frankly, I think that lonely is not a strong enough word.” So begins an article by Catherine Tidd on OpenToHope. For anyone who has been a widow or widower for even a month, these words resonate. The sheer aloneness…