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Posts by Jo Christner, Psy.D.

Stitching

Take a moment and imagine your life as a tapestry.

What you see depends upon which side you’re looking at.

Sometimes, you only see what looks like the back side of the fabric, with broken threads and uneven and missed stitches, the difficult painful events.

If you take a breath, give it time to unfold and hold onto faith/hope/love, you may be able to imagine the top side of the tapestry and begin to believe that your life will become upright and okay again, maybe even beautiful in its own unique, changed way. It won’t always feel upside down the way the loss of loved one can throw it.

Healing Grief… Moment By Moment: A HOPE Connection Podcast — Bereavement, Grief and Mourning

“Healing Grief… Moment by Moment” is a podcast created and produced by HOPE Connection. In each short episode Dr. Jo Christner or another HOPE Connection therapist offers a meditative exploration of a different aspect of grief and the healing process. As you listen, we wish you love, light and comfort. This episode: “Bereavement, Grief and Mourning” (August 2024) — Jo Christner, Psy.D.

Grief! How Do I Do This?

What do most people really know about grief… or how to grieve? Most people know very little. In our society, we most often shy away from the issue of death and most often don’t talk about the horrible pain that we feel when we grieve. We stuff it down, put on a “good face” and act like we’re okay. Inside, we feel confused, frightened, anxious and in emotional pain. The other option that happens is that people shut down, hide away and suffer in silence and aloneness. Neither of these options work very well. They just put grief on hold and cause more suffering.

Here Comes 2024! Happy New Year… Or Is It?

The holidays can be painful reminders of a life that “was,” but New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with parades, football games and gatherings are triggers that make you realize how different your life really is now.

Our hopes center around the idea that this is a “new year.” In the “celebrating” of the New Year, our intentions are courageous. We hope that we will heal and feel that our lives are settling into a “new norm.” Our reality is often so different.

The Lonely Walk and the Grief Walker

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”
― Albert Camus

The lonely walk, the storm that shakes your foundation as you toss in the wild wind, the dark tunnel that seems endless. You are filled with the deepest grief beyond your imagination when your beloved has died. 

Who Am I Now?

Having a loved one die has so very many layers of grief and loss.

It’s so individual to you, who you are, how you think, what you believe, how and where you live, your network of support, etc., etc. Grieving is a natural occurrence in our bodies and emotions. It’s also a complicated one that really requires that we allow the process to unfold and give it our attention to heal. If you ignore it, it can sneak up on you when least expect it and feel like it knocks you down. “Why do I suddenly feel awful? What’s wrong with me.” The answer: nothing is wrong. It’s grief and all of its layers are unfolding, whether you pay attention or not.

A New Year, A New Day and… A New You

I already hear the voices of so many who push back against that thought.   

A new me?

I don’t want to be a new me. I want my old life back. I want my loved one back. 

I hate these changes that have and are happening.

I just want to stand still and make it all go away. Oh, please let this be a bad dream!

Sadly, it isn’t a dream and it’s so difficult to process and understand right now. It’s natural to want to hold on to what was familiar. It was your world. Now your world has changed and you are left feeling lost, confused, alone and uncertain about who you are anymore. This enormous change has affected everything in your life.

Meditation: A Doorway To Healing The Chemistry Of Grief

Martin Hamer, a native of The Netherlands, has been a yogi and has practiced Transcendental Meditation since 1977, and the advanced techniques called TM-Sidhis since 1980. Now retired, he worked for American Express and a local chiropractor for many years, while also working for (mostly American) translation agencies as a trained English-Dutch translator and vice versa. In 1984 he co-authored the first book on chiropractic in…

You Can Make A Difference

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness.” – Desmond Tutu

Death is a thief. It takes more than a life; it steals dreams, relationships, and some of what makes a life worth living. The tunnel of loss that follows can be dark and lonely. But HOPE Connection — through our caring support groups, therapists and mentors — opens a window to let light and life back in.

The Masculine Side of Grief

“We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don’t deny it, don’t be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.” — Harold Kushner – When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough

Rabbi Kushner says it so well. The most difficult challenges of grieving are to acknowledge it, give it permission to have a place in our lives and in our bodies, attend to it, allow it to heal and let it go. Sounds like a simple recipe but what a huge and individual task to achieve.

The challenges are difficult for both men and women. There are so many general similarities in gender grieving styles but there are also so many differences that make the challenge of grieving different, especially for men. It’s important to recognize that while grief is individual for both genders, this writing speaks to the general differences more than the similarities.