Rabbi Paul Kipnes, MAJE, a popular lecturer on raising spiritually balanced, emotionally whole children, is leader of Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas, California.
There is a secret life of the mourner
That most people just don’t see
There is a secret life of a mourner
Hidden, complex, and now, me.
In HOPE Connection support groups it’s almost a given that someone will talk about being heartbroken because it’s such an accurate description following the death of your spouse or partner. Most people, of course, would say that it’s a metaphorical term — your heart is not literally broken.
In the beautiful song Sanctuary by Carrie Newcomer, she sings
Will you be my refuge, my haven in the storm,
Will you keep the embers warm when my fire’s all but gone?
Will you remember and bring me sprigs of rosemary,
Be my sanctuary ‘til I can carry on, carry on, carry on.
Anyone who has found peace and healing in a HOPE Connection group will identify deeply with Newcomer’s lyrics. HOPE groups are indeed sanctuaries of grace and comfort.
Wendell Berry is a renowned American poet and novelist. One of his most famous poems is The Peace of Wild Things. In this short video, an animated interpretation of the poem plays while Berry reads his lyrics. Members of the HOPE community may relate to Berry’s intimations of the power of nature to comfort and heal the soul.
When your spouse or long-term partner dies, everyone knows what you mean when you say you’re heartbroken. But as you grieve you quickly learn there’s a lot more going on than simply feeling sad or depressed. In fact, the intricacies and complexities of grief can be absolutely baffling. That’s because many aspects of grief are actually controlled by the brain.
Watch this short video for an overview of the physiological and neurological reactions of your brain and body to the process of grieving.
After someone we love has died, life continues to move forward. And as odd as it seems sometimes, both our grief and our love come along as we move forward. Sometimes you might think — I need life to pause, even for a little while, so I can make sense of my loss and gather my thoughts and feelings. But it doesn’t. Life keeps moving forward.
If you’re grieving, you probably know that it’s not easy to go on when you’re feeling the pain of loss and the absence of your loved one. Yet, that is the challenge of grieving: To heal as you go forward. At the same time, it is our task to find ways to carry the love for our loved ones and their story with us.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are quickly approaching. Summer weddings, babies being born, birthdays, anniversaries… they’re all beautiful events and yet they can feel conflicted and painful for you who are grieving. So, what do you do? How do you negotiate the holidays and milestones? Do you ignore them, or do you find ways to have your deceased loved one be present, remembered, and honored? It softens the edges of pain to have their spirit and memories present, almost like they are still here.
The following story was written by a widower whose beloved wife died nine years ago. It beautifully illustrates how he and his adult children are moving forward with Life while finding ways to honor her, love her and share an important story of her life.
Barbara Bergstein has worked with families of disabled children for over 30 years. She has served as a board member of the Autism Society of Los Angeles and spoken to parent groups about the rights of children with disabilities. Barbara is also a practicing attorney specializing in estate planning for individuals with special needs. She is frequently consulted by other law firms on the uses of Special Needs Trusts to protect government benefits for disabled children and adults. Barbara can be reached at her website.
I have suffered many losses. My parents died within a year of each other, first my father then my mother. The year after my mother died, my brother died of lung cancer at age 63. I am now an orphan and the sole surviving member of my family of four.
If you’re mourning the loss of your spouse or another loved one, you may have already discovered the extraordinary way in which a moment of gratitude seems to temporarily ease your pain. This is not merely your imagination. The latest scientific research — along with your intuitive sense of things — draws a strong correlation between gratitude and healing.
By Rosemerry
We lie in the dark
and speak about anything
but what I ache to speak about.
John Roedel is a poet and author of Hey God. Hey John.
His poetry readings on YouTube just might touch your heart and help to heal your grief. In the video below, he reads his poem, “Grief Is A Coral Reef.”
For more of Roedel’s poetry, see his website.