Jack Kornfield trained as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries of Thailand, India and Burma. He has taught meditation internationally since 1974 and is one of the key teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practice to the West. His books have been translated into 20 languages and sold more than a million copies. Listen to this audio recording as he meditates on the…
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Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Posts by Jack Kornfield
Conversations After The Death Of A Parent Or Spouse
by Sue Rowen, LMFT
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ― Fred Rogers
Your parent has died. Have you stopped speaking about this huge loss and your pain to your remaining parent?
In the months after a person’s spouse has died, some people feel like nothing is changing, like they’re really not healing. That feeling can be deceptive, because for most people their emotional, mental, spiritual and physical states are changing. To illustrate the changes, HOPE group members recently wrote down the word or two that best described their current state of mind. The results…
I periodically dream that my husband returns from the dead. That is not an unusual experience in grief. Our loved ones are embedded in our souls and psyches and our dreams reflect many aspects of our grief journey: our wish to see them, our struggle to accept their loss, our fears and worries about the future, to name a few. They may also present us with existential questions about death. In my case, accepting death has been particularly difficult. My husband disappeared at sea nearly six years ago. Neither he nor his boat were ever found. Despite knowing consciously that he will never come back, in my subconscious his return is totally plausible. Sometimes we seek answers in our dreams: Is he OK? Does he know I love him? Can he please give me guidance from beyond? And, my question, what happened? My dreams often reflect the challenge of not knowing how he died. I keep hoping he’ll tell me in my dreams.
Not everyone grieves in the same way. Oh, yes, there are sometimes similarities in the thread of your grief… but your grief and the way you grieve is unique to you. What in the world does that mean? The following are some of the factors that may affect the way you grieve and heal.
A lot has been written about “getting through the holidays.” But, for someone who is grieving, words of hope and comfort can never be said often enough. This week, on the eve of both Christmas and Hanukkah, the visual cues announcing the holidays are almost overwhelming. Lights, decorations are everywhere, triggering feelings of loss and loneliness. Now, words of encouragement are needed…
Laine Hammer is a writer living in Los Angeles whose mother died in 2017. She finds joy by rock climbing, reading, finding new vegan restaurants, traveling and winning free concert tickets through 88.5 FM.
“Sometimes my grief feels as though I’ve been left alone in a room with no doors. Every time I remember that my mother is dead, it feels like I’m colliding with a wall that won’t give. There’s no escape, just a hard surface that I keep ramming into over and over, a reminder of the immutable reality that I will never see her again.” — Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart
Grief feels like that hole in your old t-shirt. You try to ignore it, but it won’t let you. Even after you mend it, the pesky hole comes back somewhere new. And the longer you ignore it, the bigger the hole gets.
“How am I doing?” people ask.
Fine, I say
“I’m staying busy”
Doing many of the same things I’ve always done
Everything is the same… only different
We often hear a lament in the grief groups: “I can’t cry. I want to but I can’t. What’s wrong with me?”
It’s normal to feel numb when you’re grieving. It does not mean that something is wrong with you. Emotional numbness can occur when your body goes through the shock of loss. It’s the body’s natural anesthetic to help you through the transition from the reality of the suddenness of death to a new reality. It’s difficult to feel… and difficult to accept the lack of feelings. But feelings will return in time. Some people cry on the inside. Others can’t stop crying for a while. Grieving is a strikingly individual experience.
The following poem aptly describes the despair and confusion of having no tears.
By Martha Carr, Psy.D., LMFT
It’s 11:38 pm and I am jolted awake by an earthquake. It’s so rough it feels like I am thrown straight up in the air, taking me out of slumber instantly. My brain scrambles to figure out what is happening and, while I am still moving, my right arm instinctively and spontaneously reaches out, grabbing for Richard. For 42 years he slept to the right of me. The bed is empty of course. It’s been empty for four years. It takes me a few seconds to reconcile the two realities – the one in which he is still there and the one in which he is gone. My heart breaks a little again as consciousness brings me into the actuality of my life.