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The Transformative Power of Collateral Beauty

Lynne Goldklang is a psychotherapist, writer and a grateful member of a HOPE bereavement group.

“I don’t think of all the misery but of all the beauty that remains.”  — Anne Frank

It was one of those restless nights a few months after my husband’s death as I flipped on the TV and stared at the movie that was playing. A mother is sitting in a hospital waiting area crying as her young daughter’s life is ebbing. A strange older woman engages her in conversation and asks who is dying. The old woman listens carefully and then advises the grieving mother to be aware of “collateral beauty” — words that are the title and essence of the movie.

The meaning of collateral beauty as portrayed in the film is that love and kindness are all around if the grieving person is open to notice and receive. It is a term that is mystical yet down to earth, easily accessible.

No Magic Pill

Michael Arvanitis unfortunately went through the HOPE Connection grief group program twice. His dear wife, Katie, died on 10/29/17 and over two years of working on his grief, he began to heal and met a new love. She died suddenly during COVID leaving him grief stricken again. He found his way through connection, grief work being a Mentor to new people in the HOPE program and through the arts. He started writing poetry to find paths through the many emotions of his grief and healing. His new book, Whisperings of a Loving Heart, is now available on Amazon. His loving heart has decided to donate any proceeds to HOPE Connection to give back some of the love and support that he received.

Please consider supporting Michael’s amazing good work and HOPE Connection by buying your copy here today.

Meditation on Grief

Jack Kornfield trained as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries of Thailand, India and Burma. He has taught meditation internationally since 1974 and is one of the key teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practice to the West. His books have been translated into 20 languages and sold more than a million copies. Listen to this audio recording as he meditates on the…

Grief! How Do I Do This?

What do most people really know about grief… or how to grieve? Most people know very little. In our society, we most often shy away from the issue of death and most often don’t talk about the horrible pain that we feel when we grieve. We stuff it down, put on a “good face” and act like we’re okay. Inside, we feel confused, frightened, anxious and in emotional pain. The other option that happens is that people shut down, hide away and suffer in silence and aloneness. Neither of these options work very well. They just put grief on hold and cause more suffering.

The Nature Of Acceptance

“Your loss was different,” my 97-year-old aunt Adair said. “You still had a lot of life ahead together when you lost Richard. Herb was 96 when he died.”

I felt a swell of emotion in response. The casual way she said it made the comment hit home like the obvious fact it was, one that hadn’t quite registered with me before so clearly.

Here Comes 2024! Happy New Year… Or Is It?

The holidays can be painful reminders of a life that “was,” but New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with parades, football games and gatherings are triggers that make you realize how different your life really is now.

Our hopes center around the idea that this is a “new year.” In the “celebrating” of the New Year, our intentions are courageous. We hope that we will heal and feel that our lives are settling into a “new norm.” Our reality is often so different.

Grief Is Just Love With No Place To Go

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go” ~ Jamie Anderson

Dancing With Widow – The Year of Firsts

Following the death of her husband of 26 years in May of 2017, Marianne Simon began Poetic Plantings Publishing as a “the first step in the journey of all that I am still becoming.” They call it that – “the year of firsts.” The implication is that it will be a painful year of all the landmarks you will survive without your…

Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone

Dance to a new rhythm
Whistle a new song
Toast with a new vintage
The fizz doesn’t fizz too long.
There’s only one way to make the bubbles stay
Simply travel a new highway
Dance to a new rhythm
Open a new window
Ev’ry day!
Auntie Mame — from the musical MAME.

You have probably heard the term “comfort zone” — a way of living that brings peace and harmony to your everyday life. If you have had a recent loss of a beloved, that term may feel like a long-lost memory as you grapple with intense emotional pain along with decisions and changes you did not desire. Illness, death, major crisis take you out of all that was familiar and comfortable. It is a forced journey beyond your comfort zone. 

Can We Talk?

Conversations After The Death Of A Parent Or Spouse

by Sue Rowen, LMFT

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ― Fred Rogers

Your parent has died. Have you stopped speaking about this huge loss and your pain to your remaining parent?