Perhaps you can relate to the following: You are with friends at a restaurant, glad to be away from the pain of mourning. Music is in the background, beyond your awareness until suddenly your attention is riveted as a song starts playing that was special to you and your beloved. Now you are transformed: going full throttle into grief; the pleasant time with friends fading away.
(818) 788-HOPE (4673)
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Grief Support Groups Serving West Los Angeles, Encino and Agoura Hills
Evelyn Pechter is a HOPE therapist and Licensed Psychologist. Dr. Pechter has private practice offices in West Los Angeles and Woodland Hills, where she specializes in adult life changes including grief/loss.
“Wherever you are right now on your journey — whether your loved one died two weeks ago, two years ago, or even 20 years ago, it helps to understand the process from beginning to the not-so-clear end. As Glenda the Good Witch of the North told Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz before she set out for Emerald City, “It’s always best to start at the beginning.” So it is with most things; so it is with grief.
— Ashley Davis Bush: Transcending Loss
It is best to start at the beginning, but what often happens is that people want to avoid the painful aspects of grief; it’s too terrifying. So, they rush right ahead, telling others — and themselves — that “Everything’s just fine. I’m okay. I’m adjusting just fine.” They attempt to skip to the end before they’ve gone through the process.
When you’re a couple, your personalities blend over time. You take on a little of each other. You understand how the other thinks, and sometimes you can even find yourself finishing the other’s sentences. This is a natural occurrence. It happens over time, and it is a beautiful thing. It works. It’s the lovely part of a relationship; I refer to it as being comfortable with each other.
After your parent dies special dates like Father’s Day and Mother’s Day feel so very different. They hold history, traditions and memories that are special, sacred and now feel very different than in years past. It’s all changed when that parent is… missing.
Often, regardless of your age as an adult, when your parent dies it feels too soon. For some, that loss occurs at a young age. For others, they are blessed to have their parents longer. Age doesn’t seem to count when you’re grieving such an important person in your life. Grieving can be complicated when we’re adults. Somehow, at that time, we often feel “little” again inside.
In this context, the term uncoupling can be applied to anyone who has had a deep, meaningful relationship with a significant someone who has been a source of support and shared an enduring special connection — and lost them through death. This includes spouses, partners, close parent-and-child relationships, siblings (especially twins), cousins and best friends.
Everyone goes through a natural grieving process when a death occurs. We each behave and express feelings according to the way we’ve been taught and as modeled by our society, our culture, our family, our peers and other influences. A belief system is created that affects the way that we perceive life, death and grief.
For Hope Group Members it’s a simple fact of life that the ratio of women-to-men in a Group is usually four, five or six to one. Unfortunately, men often grieve alone — to the detriment of their psychological, physical and spiritual health.
We recently held a group in a member’s home. As we were all saying our goodbyes she asked me to come with her. She took me to her deceased husband’s closet, fully intact, smelling like his aftershave and the essence of his physical being. I could sense him. Although I never knew him in person, I felt closer, like I had just met…
Grief can leave us feeling unmoored, searching for something tangible to grasp when words fall short and memories feel distant. That’s why we were so moved when we were introduced to Michelle — The Memory Bear Maker.
Memory bears offer a quiet, comforting presence, created from a well-worn shirt, a cherished sweater, or even a faded uniform — items that may at first seem like painful reminders. Michelle transforms them into something new: A bear with personality, warmth and soul. These handcrafted bears carry more than fabric; they hold love, history and the essence of the one who wore them.
Movement is life. The ways to move are countless. You can stretch, sway, dance, get athletic — or walk.
There are many kinds of walks. One of the most enjoyable is a nature walk where you take in the world around you with all your senses, being attuned to the wonders and beauty of nature.
Walking with your grief can bring solace as well as deep feelings that are better experienced than pent up inside. It can also be a reverie of memories of your loved one you want to revisit.
Walking can be a metaphor for going forward in your life. A moment in time. One step at a time.
I took a walk, came home, and wrote a poem. Something about the cloudy sky and sprinkles of rain awakened deep feelings.