Lucy Hone is a codirector at the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience and a research associate at AUT University in Auckland. She is also the author of the book Resilient Grieving.

I’d like to start by asking you some questions.

Have you ever lost someone you loved? Had your heart broken? Struggled through an acrimonious divorce or been the victim of infidelity?

Have you ever lived through a natural disaster? Been bullied? Or made redundant from a job?

Ever had a miscarriage or an abortion, or struggled through infertility?

Finally, have you or anyone you loved had to cope with mental illness, dementia, some form of physical impairment, or suicide?

Chances are, you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, and that’s true for most people. Adversity doesn’t discriminate.

If you are alive, you are going to have to deal with some tough times.

If you’re grieving the death of your spouse, it may sometimes feel as though you’ll never heal. But as the days and weeks and months and, yes, even years go by, healing does occur. One essential part of the healing process is gratitude. In the early days of your grief, gratitude might also seem like an emotion you’ll never experience again. If you make a practice of gratitude, though — expressing it even if you do not wholeheartedly feel it — you may just find that gratitude helps you heal.