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Grief (Page 6)

One Loss Too Many

Grieving the loss of a loved one is a difficult journey that everyone navigates in their own way. Your ability to cope depends on several things. First, your basic resilience and attitude about life. Second, your strategies for dealing with emotions. Third, your ability to ask for help and get social support. 

Whether it is anticipated, unexpected or traumatic, the circumstance of the loss is also significant. Multiple losses, whether they occurred all at once, or come in quick succession with little time to mourn each one can overwhelm anyone’s ability to cope — despite your resilience, ability to deal with emotions or the extent of your social network. Suffering multiple losses is called “bereavement overload” or “cumulative grief.” Sometimes a surge of losses is just too much to bear. A recent loss, or even an expectation of another, may trigger all the pain of earlier losses, leaving you at risk of falling into incapacitating depression or “complex grief.” During such a time it’s imperative to keep several things in mind.

A Mother’s Loss And Grief

Barbara Bergstein has worked with families of disabled children for over 30 years. She has served as a board member of the Autism Society of Los Angeles and spoken to parent groups about the rights of children with disabilities. Barbara is also a practicing attorney specializing in estate planning for individuals with special needs. She is frequently consulted by other law firms on the uses of Special Needs Trusts to protect government benefits for disabled children and adults. Barbara can be reached at her website.

I have suffered many losses. My parents died within a year of each other, first my father then my mother. The year after my mother died, my brother died of lung cancer at age 63. I am now an orphan and the sole surviving member of my family of four. 

A Community Sees Each Other Through

As every member of the HOPE community who has spent time in a group can attest, personal interaction between group members is as deep as it is emotional. In a recent group meeting I witnessed an extraordinary example of the way in which members of our community inspire one another on their unique journeys through grief.

Your Personal Eclipse — Journey From Darkness To Light

When your loved one dies, it may literally feel like it takes your breath away. You begin an odyssey that you don’t how know to navigate.

Shock and numbness prepare you for the journey as you plummet into a swirling dense fog of despair, an unfamiliar reality. The life you shared is no more. This is a forever loss and so begins… the eclipse into darkness.

The Golden Moments Fly

“Do not delay, Do not delayThe golden moments fly.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow “The little things. The little moments. They aren’t little. “ — Jon Kabat -Zinnn Alice was 67 when her husband of 35 years died. She had lived her life as an optimistic cheerful person.  Now her eyes had lost their sparkle. Her grief was overwhelming. After several weeks, she decided to…

Toxic Positivity and the Effect on Grief

“Toxic Positivity.” What in the world does that mean? Many of us from the time we are little are told to Think positive.  Look on the bright side. Turn that rainy day into a sunny day. For goodness sake, don’t cry. Change those sad thoughts into happy thoughts. There is even a song called “Don’t Worry. Be Happy.”

The Missing Peace: When You Can’t Say Goodbye

My husband was lost at sea. Sailing around the world was his lifelong dream. He bought the boat, retired, spent years preparing for the journey and set a date. I supported his dream but didn’t want to go with him. We both agreed that I would meet him at various ports, sharing in the experience that way. After six months cruising the Sea of Cortez (where I joined him several times) he took off solo for the South Pacific. He never completed his passage between Mexico and the Marquesas. Three weeks into his five-week crossing, he disappeared in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, hundreds of miles from any landmass in one of the most remote places on earth for search and rescue. I never got to say goodbye.

The Visitor Who Demands Attention

When someone’s spouse or partner dies, people naturally reach out with unbridled sympathy. When someone’s parent dies, though, people can inadvertently couch their sympathy in ways that may not be helpful. Your mom died? That’s life!

There is one common denominator, though, to losing a spouse or a parent: your grief demands attention, now or later — your choice.