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Grief (Page 4)

Who Am I Now?

Having a loved one die has so very many layers of grief and loss.

It’s so individual to you, who you are, how you think, what you believe, how and where you live, your network of support, etc., etc. Grieving is a natural occurrence in our bodies and emotions. It’s also a complicated one that really requires that we allow the process to unfold and give it our attention to heal. If you ignore it, it can sneak up on you when least expect it and feel like it knocks you down. “Why do I suddenly feel awful? What’s wrong with me.” The answer: nothing is wrong. It’s grief and all of its layers are unfolding, whether you pay attention or not.

It’s All In The Cards

I was in the doldrums, sorting through a drawer, mourning my husband as the date of our anniversary approached. That old Kenny Rogers song, “The Gambler,” was playing in the background. I stopped what I was doing hoping for some comfort in the simplistic lyrics. I was drawn to a deck of cards in the back of the drawer, feeling compelled to spread them all out and see if I could find something to lift my spirits.

There is so much to discover in an ordinary card deck. The four suits alone give us a look at basic aspects of life that are impacted when there is a death of a loved one.

A New Year, A New Day and… A New You

I already hear the voices of so many who push back against that thought.   

A new me?

I don’t want to be a new me. I want my old life back. I want my loved one back. 

I hate these changes that have and are happening.

I just want to stand still and make it all go away. Oh, please let this be a bad dream!

Sadly, it isn’t a dream and it’s so difficult to process and understand right now. It’s natural to want to hold on to what was familiar. It was your world. Now your world has changed and you are left feeling lost, confused, alone and uncertain about who you are anymore. This enormous change has affected everything in your life.

Out Of The Ashes

Restorative: “Having the ability to restore health, strength or a feeling of well-being.”

Those of us who have lost a spouse or partner know how difficult the holidays can be. Celebrating at a family meal with an absent partner, or attending a party alone, may be particularly difficult. These special events, most often shared with your loved one over many years, can trigger deep grief. Perhaps your partner or spouse was the one who enjoyed hosting the party, who made it a special annual tradition that friends, family, and neighbors loved to attend. Now the quiet looms in front of you and the realization that it will never be the same, hits like a ton of bricks. It will never be the same. If you are lucky, you find joyful moments when surrounded by those who love and care about you. Your family or friends fill the some of the void, share the loss with you, take up the mantle or make sure you are included in special activities.

Oh No, The Holidays Are Here!

A lot has been written about “getting through the holidays.” But, for someone who is grieving, words of hope and comfort can never be said often enough. This week, on the eve of both Christmas and Hanukkah, the visual cues announcing the holidays are almost overwhelming. Lights, decorations are everywhere, triggering feelings of loss and loneliness. Now, words of encouragement are needed…

“Broken Heart” Is Not Just A Metaphor

In HOPE Connection support groups it’s almost a given that someone will talk about being heartbroken because it’s such an accurate description following the death of your spouse or partner. Most people, of course, would say that it’s a metaphorical term — your heart is not literally broken.

Change After Loss Is Inevitable. Here’s How To Embrace It.

Change is hard. For anybody. Especially someone who has been presented with life’s biggest change, the death of their significant other. As time passes, the griever is left to endure life’s challenges… with paperwork, figuring out day-to-day tasks, taking on more responsibilities and no longer having a partner to share them with. Changing a light bulb, paying taxes, doing laundry or other shared tasks, now all fall on you. Change is hard, so now what?

Meditation: A Doorway To Healing The Chemistry Of Grief

Martin Hamer, a native of The Netherlands, has been a yogi and has practiced Transcendental Meditation since 1977, and the advanced techniques called TM-Sidhis since 1980. Now retired, he worked for American Express and a local chiropractor for many years, while also working for (mostly American) translation agencies as a trained English-Dutch translator and vice versa. In 1984 he co-authored the first book on chiropractic in…

The Masculine Side of Grief

“We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don’t deny it, don’t be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.” — Harold Kushner – When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough

Rabbi Kushner says it so well. The most difficult challenges of grieving are to acknowledge it, give it permission to have a place in our lives and in our bodies, attend to it, allow it to heal and let it go. Sounds like a simple recipe but what a huge and individual task to achieve.

The challenges are difficult for both men and women. There are so many general similarities in gender grieving styles but there are also so many differences that make the challenge of grieving different, especially for men. It’s important to recognize that while grief is individual for both genders, this writing speaks to the general differences more than the similarities.

Bittersweet — Which Is It, Bitter or Sweet?

Nostalgia is, by its very nature, bittersweet, the happiest memories laced with melancholy. It’s that combination, that opposition of forces, that makes it so compelling. People, places, events, times: we miss them, and there’s a pleasure in the missing and a sadness in the love. — Robert J. Wiersema (Canadian author)

Nostalgia is that deep longing, that yearning for what was. When you’re grieving, it’s normal to want your loved one to be with you. Even when you know the sad reality, your heart is longing for what was.