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Grief (Page 5)

Why Talk About It?

Why talk about it? What good will it do? It’s done. My loved one died. Nothing that I say is going to bring him/her back. I just need to move on.

Sound familiar? Have you said thoughts like this to yourself? Have you said it to others?

That attitude is like trying to take a short cut on the journey of grief… and that rarely ends well. It takes you away from the one thing that you need to heal… attention to your broken heart and all the feelings that it holds.

Healing from grief just doesn’t have a shortcut.

Reinventing Yourself: The Unforeseen Aftermath of Loss

When your spouse dies, there is a process that you go through — your very own individual process. As painful as that process is, it also presents you with the chance to walk down a perhaps wholly unanticipated path — one that allows you to redefine your identity and goals. Grief changes you and takes you to a different place inside and out. That place might be the next chapter of your life.

Broken Heart? Or Broken Brain?

When your spouse or long-term partner dies, everyone knows what you mean when you say you’re heartbroken. But as you grieve you quickly learn there’s a lot more going on than simply feeling sad or depressed. In fact, the intricacies and complexities of grief can be absolutely baffling. That’s because many aspects of grief are actually controlled by the brain.

Watch this short video for an overview of the physiological and neurological reactions of your brain and body to the process of grieving.

Healing Little By Little

Shortly after my husband died, I woke to the sound of a garbage truck coming down my street on its routine early morning pickup. I usually dislike those noisy garbage trucks grinding away as they slam trash cans around, but now a sense of comfort washed over me. How strange, I thought, that such an ordinary thing helps me regain a sense of normality. My connection to the outside world was momentarily restored. I began to welcome trash days knowing that for a few moments, I would relax – something that had eluded me in those first months of grief. It was a small sense of relief, but with a noticeable impact.

Let Your Cup Overflow

Self-care is like flossing — we know we need to do it regularly, but most people don’t. It is important to take care of yourself, especially during a time of grieving. Taking care of yourself while you grieve can help you suffer less in every way — in your mind, body and spirit. There is no timeline on grief, so take as much time as you need and seek and accept help and support from friends and loved ones, as well as seeking professional support such as personal therapy or joining a bereavement support group.

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss: Coping with Parent Loss

Laine Hammer is a writer living in Los Angeles whose mother died in 2017. She finds joy by rock climbing, reading, finding new vegan restaurants, traveling and winning free concert tickets through 88.5 FM. 

“Sometimes my grief feels as though I’ve been left alone in a room with no doors. Every time I remember that my mother is dead, it feels like I’m colliding with a wall that won’t give. There’s no escape, just a hard surface that I keep ramming into over and over, a reminder of the immutable reality that I will never see her again.” — Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart

Grief feels like that hole in your old t-shirt. You try to ignore it, but it won’t let you. Even after you mend it, the pesky hole comes back somewhere new. And the longer you ignore it, the bigger the hole gets. 

Confronting – and Rising Above – Regret

“Though we would like to live without regrets, and sometimes proudly insist that we have none, this is not really possible, if only because we are mortal.” — James Baldwin

Memories are powerful and can be simply thought of as reflective nostalgia. Or they can turn into something much more, with the potential to trigger an overwhelming feeling of regret.

When someone you love dies, it’s normal to focus on some guilt or perhaps some regret which then boils to the surface without warning.

“How Are You?”
Those Three Little Words

Three little words. A simple phrase that comes out of people’s mouths as easily and unconsciously as an exhale. How are you?

When said to a griever, it takes their breath away for a moment as they are hit with the realization again. The realization of the death of their loved one just when they were attempting to stay away from the feelings for a while. So there is a hesitation to calculate how they feel… or to figure out what to say to a phrase that has no easy answer right now. A mixture of emotions and thoughts flood their mind and body like an ocean wave.

Overcoming Survivor’s Guilt

Judge: What is the charge?
Plaintiff: Being alive while my beloved is dead.
Judge: Where is your lawyer?
Plaintiff: I wish to plead my own case.
Judge: What is your plea?
Plaintiff: Guilty!
Judge: You are charged with a very common infraction following a death — Survivor’s Guilt!

Transcending Grief Through Self Care, Self Compassion & Self Love

When you’re living your life, you go about your normal routine as usual. Then when someone you love dies, surviving grief can feel like you’ve been transported onto a Ferris wheel in the middle of a lake. When you’re up high, you feel like you’re on top of things and have some measure of control. As you descend, your view and perspective changes. So do your emotions and your coping strategies. As you gain momentum plunging downward, you can feel an unraveling dread and a rise in panic. Suddenly, you’re totally submerged  in deep water, much longer than you care to be, struggling for your very breath. Then the realization hits you. You’re drowning and you don’t know what to do. You don’t even know how to breathe anymore… You are at a total loss.