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Grief (Page 4)

Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone

Dance to a new rhythm
Whistle a new song
Toast with a new vintage
The fizz doesn’t fizz too long.
There’s only one way to make the bubbles stay
Simply travel a new highway
Dance to a new rhythm
Open a new window
Ev’ry day!
Auntie Mame — from the musical MAME.

You have probably heard the term “comfort zone” — a way of living that brings peace and harmony to your everyday life. If you have had a recent loss of a beloved, that term may feel like a long-lost memory as you grapple with intense emotional pain along with decisions and changes you did not desire. Illness, death, major crisis take you out of all that was familiar and comfortable. It is a forced journey beyond your comfort zone. 

Can We Talk?

Conversations After The Death Of A Parent Or Spouse

by Sue Rowen, LMFT

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ― Fred Rogers

Your parent has died. Have you stopped speaking about this huge loss and your pain to your remaining parent?

The Necessity of Finding Moments of Pleasure in Grief

If you’re grieving, you might feel exhausted and possibly hopeless as you attempt to find your way. That’s understandable and natural; grieving is complicated and can be all consuming. It can drain your mental, emotional and physical energy and pours the neurochemistry of cortisol (a stress hormone) into your weary body. Cortisol levels remain elevated for the first six months of bereavement, affecting heart and immune functioning, as well as quality of sleep and life. So, what can you do? How do you get through each day?

How Grief Delicately Dances With Anger

“Peace can become a lens through which you see the world. Be it. Live it. Radiate it out. Peace is an inside job.” – Wayne Dyer

Let’s start with a few baseline questions. Are you impatient? Are you angry? Do you like yourself?

Whatever your feelings, they are not unusual. They are part of your grieving process. Truth is, these feelings, including anger, can be positive and useful emotions if acknowledged and expressed appropriately. On the other hand, if anger or any emotion is repressed it may lead to various health issues, such as high blood pressure, or weaken your immune system.

Two Facts & Three Myths About Grief

Grief is simply a fact of life. If you love someone, then you are destined to experience grief. Fortunately, this simple truth has become more accepted and recognized. From the publication of “On Death and Dying” in 1969 by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the subject has become much more openly discussed. It has become so common that National Grief Awareness Day hardly raises an eyebrow. This year, National Grief Awareness Day is August 31, and we invite you to consider some of the insights expressed on National Today’s website:

The Lonely Walk and the Grief Walker

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”
― Albert Camus

The lonely walk, the storm that shakes your foundation as you toss in the wild wind, the dark tunnel that seems endless. You are filled with the deepest grief beyond your imagination when your beloved has died. 

My Grief Is Like An Ocean Swell

I wrote this short poem about a month after my brother died:

My grief is like an ocean swell
rolling toward shore.
It rises but never breaks.

It came to me while sitting quietly during a yoga class, breathing deeply. There were swells of grief but no tears. The stillness helped me put words to my feelings. I had cried when he died, but then it subsided. Too quiet.  Where was my grief?

Myths Related To Grieving A Parent

It can be 20 days or 20 years since your parent(s) has died and still there is a painful nostalgia that accompanies thoughts and reflections on our lives when our parent(s) was alive. Whether you perceived your parent as a loving parent or an unloving parent, this remains true. In one way or another we register the uniqueness of our relationship with…

Living An Awe-Filled Life

But that shadow has been serving you!
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle. 
Your boundaries are your quest.
You must have shadow and light source both.
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.
— Rumi, a 13th Century Poet

Grief in its rawest form can feel like a shroud: grey, bleak, hiding but not shielding us from unbearable pain. Grief can cause us to question if we will ever again recover our essence, zest and sense of hope. There is no antidote, nor would we want there to be. Grief is part of every life. It is a time more than any other when we need the healing balm that is found in states of awe.

We Were Estranged. Then She Died!

Are you grieving a parent you considered unloving, not present or abusive? You may wonder, “Why do I feel so grief-stricken?” You may not have felt loved nor feel like you loved your parent. You may not have experienced “unconditional love” and wonder, “ Why am I so sad? Why am I so anxious and confused? Do I really care?” Perhaps, more…